Then and Now
by katsluvkk
Summary: Things were said. People were hurt. A relationship was ruined. But that's the past. See what happens when the past and the present mingle together. Secrets will be revealed, people will be exposed, and love will be explored.
1. Chapter 1

**New story time! Yes, this is my second story! My first story is called _Beautiful Unraveling. _If you haven't read it yet, please go check it out. So, if you read the last chapter of _Beautiful Unraveling _then you know that this is going to be about. But think again! I know, I know I said I was going to make a sequel. Please check my profile for the reason I cancelled that. So, this story has ABSOLUTELY NO RELATION to _Beautiful Unraveling. _I'm sorry but this isn't a sequel. A short plot is on my profile. This may be a bot confusing. But in the next couple of chapters, things will clear up. So please enjoy and review!**

**I _do not_ own iCarly.**

**3 years ago**

_No. Just no. This can't be happening to me. I am a good person. A good girl. I get good grades. I have great friends. I live in a nice town. Nothing bad happens to good girls. Nothing bad. _I said that over and over again in my head, but that didn't mean it was going to come true. My face were buried in my hands as I sat on the couch, tears finding their way through the creases between my fingers and dripping all the way down to the floor. I kicked off my heels, now dirty and torn up, and laid my head down on the couch pillow, trying my best to steady my breathing. But it didn't help. I placed my hands back onto my face, muffling my sobs once again. _I am a good person. A good girl. _I repeated the cycle, the cycle of reassurance that this was a dream. But it wasn't a dream. This was reality. And in reality, nothing happens the way you want it to. Life wasn't fair and you took what you got. But I didn't want this. I didn't want what I had gotten. I wanted to rewind and go enjoy my 5 month anniversary party with my friends and my boyfriend. I wanted to be in Freddie's arms, his warm, strong arms, and slow dance to our song. But that's not what happened. That's not what happened at all.

A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts.

I didn't have the energy, or the composure, to answer the door. I wanted to scream "Go away!", but my vocal cords were already strained from the screaming I had done previously. I figured whoever it was would get the idea. It was 2 in the morning for God's sake. But the knocking didn't stop. It just got louder, and eventually a voice emerged. At the first word, I knew who it was, and almost immediately after I had heard it, I wanted it to go away. Of course, it didn't. A hand found its way to the unlocked door knob and twisted it, causing it to turn and open the door. I didn't see his face when he stepped in, but when he peeled my hands off of my face, the beautifully sculpted Freddie Benson focused into my vision.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, obviously angry.

I didn't answer him, though. I shoved my hand from his grasp and planted it back onto my face.

"Carly, where the hell have you been? Everyone waited for you for over 3 hours! Do you even care?" He ran his hand through his hair. He was wearing a nice white, button down, collar shirt, along with a skinny tie. A pair of dark jeans hung low on his hips, the bottom of them slightly covering his new Chuck Taylors.

"Please, Freddie, go away." I managed to get out through all of the sobs, something he obviously didn't care about.

"No. I'm not going to go away. I want an answer."

"So do I!" I screamed, but then became aware of the 2 year old sleeping upstairs in her room. Spencer and his wife, Charlotte, were also sleeping. Before I had left, they were struggling to put Isabelle to bed. She had never been easy to cooperate with. But then again, she was Spencer's child. I lowered my voice and stood up to face Freddie. Even with me about 2 feet away from me, he was still intimidating. It's not like I needed to be intimidated by him, I mean, he would never lay a hand on me, no question. But when he was mad, he was _mad. _I never tried to get on his bad side.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked me.

"It means…nothing. It doesn't mean anything." I took my right arm and grabbed my left one, something I did when I felt embarrassed, which I did.

"I'm confused, Carly. Just tell me where you were." He stepped closer and took my available hand into his.

"I can't." My voice cracked. He shove my hand away and turned to walk away. "Why does it matter? It was just a stupid party."

"Just a stupid party? Carly, you have been making a huge deal about this party since we got together! I don't really know why, seeing as how it's only 5 months, but for some strange reason, this was really important to you. So, no, it's not a stupid party." He started pacing back and forth, not solving anything, just making me more anxious. My body was shaking and I sat back down, steadying myself. He looked at me quickly, but then focused. After a few seconds, he asked, "What's wrong with your clothes?"

The bottom of my red sundress was torn, a couple pieces of cloth missing. My shoes had scratches and my arms were covered in dirt, along with my hair. I guess his anger overpowered his ability to notice my disgusting attire. "What? I…don't know." I placed my hand on my head when a sudden rush of lightheadedness washed over me.

"Carly, _where were you_?" I wanted to tell him. I wanted to cry into his arms until I went numb and couldn't feel anything anymore.

"Can you… um, can you…" I tried to ask him to lower his voice, not wanting him to wake up Spencer, Charlotte, or Isabelle, but I couldn't get the words out. I needed to lay down, maybe even lay down and never wake up, but nevertheless, I needed to lay down.

"What is going on?" Freddie asked, his voice changing drastically from angry to sympathetic. He sat down next to me, rubbing my back.

"Freddie, I need…" I took a deep breath. "I need you to listen to me, ok?"

He nodded.

"On the way to the party…" A tear escaped my eyes. It stung. "There… there was this guy and he-"

"You cheated on me?" He accused me harshly. He stood up and started pacing once again. "That's why you weren't at the party." He said to himself, putting the pieces together. Thos pieces though, were wrong. "You cheated on me with some random hitchhiker didn't you?"

"Freddie, I-"

"_Didn't you_?" Freddie had always been insecure. Whenever another guy even looked at me, he always assumed the worst. Not necessarily with me, but with that guy. Sometimes I didn't mind it. Sometimes it was kind of cute when he was protective of me. But at a certain point, it was ridiculous. And now, he was accusing me of the farthest thing from the truth. The truth was- "I can't believe you. And after I told all of my friends that they were wrong when they called you a cheater, they had been right all along. I can't believe you." He repeated.

I stood up, nausea rushing over me, and walked slowly to the bathroom, but not before a muscular arm grabbed my arm and slowly turned me around. "I didn't cheat on you." I whispered, clutching my stomach.

"Then _where were you?" _

"I can't tell you!" I whisper yelled. God, I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him so goddamn badly. But I couldn't. I mean, I could, but he wouldn't look at me the same. No one would.

"So it's true!" He flung his hands up in the air and backed away from me.

"You know what, Freddie? If you're not going to believe me when I say 'I can't tell you', which I really can't, then fine! I cheated! I cheated on you so many goddamn times! I cheated on you with Gibby, with James, with Nick, with CJ, and all your stupid AV nerds!" All of the yelling sucked out all of the remaining energy I had left. I collapsed on the floor and buried my face in my hands once again. He stared down at me, but didn't make an attempt to help me. I knew he was mad. I was mad too. But with him staring at me like that, I was getting pissed off. "Go away." I told him. My voice was muffled, but it was loud enough that he knew what I was saying.

"I thought I loved you. I thought I loved you since the day we met. But I was wrong. I thought you love me. I thought that maybe-" He was saying, but I forced my body to take me upstairs, not wanting to hear anymore of his stupid crap about "love". If he loved me, he would've listened to me. He would've found out the truth. But he would never find out the truth. Because I was leaving.

I packed a small bag, just enough clothes to last me about 3 days. After that I would just go shopping in Los Angeles. After I was done, I started downstairs, but stopped when I saw the little sleeping girl in her room. She was so fragile, so small. Her blonde hair curled around her neck and her golden eyelashes fluttered as she dreamed. _Beautiful, _I thought. She was such a good girl. _Nothing bad happens to good girls. _I repeated it inside of my head. Nothing bad is going to happen to her. Nothing. But I was living proof that anything could happen to anybody, even if you were good. I kissed my hand and placed it on her cheek. She smiled to herself.

"Isabelle…" I whispered. I loved that girl as if she were my own daughter. I couldn't leave like this. I went downstairs, and when I arrived, I noticed an empty living room. Freddie had left when I was upstairs. I wasn't really surprised, but disappointed. Maybe he would tell me to say, maybe we could talk it out, but that obviously wasn't going to happen. He was gone, and soon I was going to be too. I quickly grabbed a pen and wrote a note:

_Dear Spencer, Charlotte, and Isabelle,_

_I love you all so much. Isabelle, don't grow up like me; naïve and stupid. Spencer, I'm sorry I had to leave like this. Thank you for all that you've done for me. You're the best big brother anyone could ask for. Charlotte, I know we've only known each other for about 3 years, but we've gown close and you're like a mom to me. But you're not my mom. My mom is in Los Angeles and that's where I'm going. By the time you get this, I'll probably be there, so go ahead and call. I won't want to talk. I don't think you will want to talk to me anyway. I know my leaving is abrupt, but I have my reasons, trust me, but I don't know if I can ever tell you them. Please forgive me._

_-Carly_

I taped the note to the fridge, and kissed it. I didn't know what else to do. After I was ready to go, I grabbed the jar that was in the cabinet underneath the sink, and took out the 300 dollars that was in it. I placed it in my back pocket, closed my eyes quickly, opened them back up, and headed to the front door.

"Bye…" I said to my apartment, then closed the door and headed to the airport.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~11:00 AM~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

"Spencer, calm down." My mom said calmly to her son. She had a phone in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. I was picking at my blueberry muffin as she tried to talk to him. "Honey, she's fine."

"…."

"I don't have all the answers but I'll let her tell me on her own time." She took a sip of coffee.

"…!..."

"Spencer!"

"..."

"Well, fine. Do you want to talk to her?" She turned to look at me for approval but I shook my head. "Actually, she's in the bathroom." I let out a sigh in relief.

"…."

"When she's ready, she'll call you."

"…."

She rolled her eyes. "Ok, Spence. I love you. Alright, bye." She hung up, and joined me at the kitchen table. I stared at her, still picking at my muffin that I had no desire to eat and wasn't planning to. She tucked a piece of stray, brown hair behind her ear and looked down into the coffee she was still holding. "So, _are _you going to tell me why you just up and come here and tell me that you're now living with me?"

"I just missed you, mom. That's it." I gave her a small smile and gave up on my muffin. I set it down and leaned back in my chair. She glared at me until I caved. "Do we have to talk about this now?"

"Of course not, baby. But eventually we have to, ok?" I nodded. "Ok! So, if you're going to be living here, then there are some rules. Number one, the-"

"Wait, I can stay?" I asked, half expecting she was going to send me back.

"Well, you are my daughter." She said, right before she drank more of her coffee.

"Oh, thank you mom!" I jumped into her lap, causing her to spill the remaining coffee on the table, but I didn't care. I wrapped my arms around her neck, as she did around my waist. "I'm going to go unpack!" Jumping off of her, I grabbed my bag and made my way upstairs to my new room, _my new life. _

**Thanks for reading! I know it's a little confusing, but keep checking for updates! Please review!**


	2. You Again

**Hello! I hoped you guys liked the first chapter. I know it's a bit confusing, but in the next couple chapters, what happened to Carly will be revealed. So thank you to CatHeartsU and unknown for reviewing. I didn't expect much reviews, seeing as how that was the first chapter. Oh and an A/N: I have absolutely no idea if Seattle or Orlando University are real places. I made them up. I just took a city name and planted it in front of the word University. And the classes are made up to. I didn't feel like researching college things. So if anything doesn't make sense (referring to college stuff) I'm sorry. But please and enjoy and review!**

**3 years later**

**I do not own iCarly.**

With the window down, the wind was full out blowing in my face, but I wasn't complaining. The smell of Seattle air was so familiar to me, it was almost relaxing. I rested my bare feet on the dashboard, tilted my head back, and closed my eyes. _Seattle, _I thought to myself. The place I was born. The place I had grown up. The place that I fell in love. But that was all over now. I had started a brand new life in Los Angeles. I started a new school, gained new friends, and had even gotten a new boyfriend, Derek. He wasn't anything compared to Freddie, though. He wasn't nearly as sensitive, or protective, or even caring. He just gave me a good reputation. He was popular, so I was popular. I would've felt guilty about it if we hadn't been such a jerk. I had also grown closer to my mom. I never realized how much I missed her. She had divorced my dad shortly before he left to join the military. It had taken me 3 months to stop crying. But now, I was sitting in the passenger's seat in my mom's Volvo, Bebe sunglasses planted comfortably on my face, and headed to Seattle University for my first day of college. I had wanted to go there for… I don't even know. Too long ago to remember. But I do remember telling myself that no matter what happens I would still go to Seattle University. Both my mom and my dad had gone and graduated, even after having Spencer. I was going to major in video editing. I never told Sam or Freddie, but I was always very interested in the behind the scenes stuff of iCarly. I guess it fascinated me. Just like the techy nerd who was working it had fascinated me.

*_AT&T signature ringtone_*

I shuffled through my purse to reach my phone, which rang for 6 more seconds until I pressed the _send _button. "Hello?" I answered, too lazy to read the caller I.D.

"Hey baby!" Sam said loudly on the other line. "How's your first day of being a woman?"

"I haven't gotten there yet." I poked my head out the window to see if we were getting close, which was a waste of time seeing as how I was horrible with directions. But I did know Seattle well enough to know that we had passed Bushwell about 45 minutes ago. I hadn't seen it, my eyes were closed, but this was my home. I just knew. "How's Florida?"

She sighed. "Oh, you know, sunny." _'Where the hell is my drinking hat?' _I heard a faint voice in the background from the other line. "Sorry 'bout that. That was Travis."

I nodded. When I realized she couldn't hear nods, I added, "Really. Is he your…?"

"Oh God, no. No, he's my roommate's brother. He's drunk."

"I gathered." I chuckled. Sam had decided to go to Orlando University and major in Arts. She had always been really good at painting, something she had said that she got from spending so much time with Spencer. After I left, we had stayed close. I didn't want to lose all of my past from Seattle. I needed something, _anything, _to keep me sane. And that _anything, _was Sam.

"So, I have to go. My hallway is throwing some sort of welcome back party. Call me tonight when you get settled in, ok?"

"Will do."

"Ok, bye Carls." _End. _I sighed.

"Everything ok?" My mom asked, her eyes focused on the never ending road of concrete.

I turned to look at her, pulling my sunglasses to the top of my head. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem kind of… I don't know. Something is different."

"Well, maybe it's because I'm 18 now, and _much _more mature." A sly smile emerged on my face. She tore her focus off of the road and turned to me. I broke out into laughter after her stare was too intense for me. "Ok, maybe that's not it. I guess I'm just going to miss you."

"Aw, baby. I'll miss you too." She put a hand on my shoulder, but quickly removed it. I knew she was sadder than she seemed, but she needed to put up a strong front for me. If she broke down, I wasn't going to be far behind.

While putting my sunglasses back on, I saw the sign that read 'Seattle University '. "Oohh! There it is! There it is!" I repeatedly hit her shoulder, not caring if it hurt.

"Ok, I see. Calm down." She couldn't help but smile, and made her way across the lanes to reach the exit. The closer we got the more anxious I became. I had put my shoes on, the ones I had taken off after 2 hours of riding in the car, and sat up straight, preparing myself to jump out and breathe in the college air. Ugh, I was so excited. I got to be a free woman. No rules (well maybe some), no curfew, and no drama (that I was planning to get into anyway). This year, I was going to start over; not settle for anything less than what I wanted. I had more expectations for this year, but I couldn't think of them. We had parked in the student drop off parking lot and I was out of the car before my mom could even unbuckle her seatbelt. I struggled to grab my suitcase out of the trunk, but eventually tugged enough that it dropped to the ground, only to pop open, along with all of my clothes.

"Great." I moaned while getting on my knees to fill the now half empty suit case, shortly followed by my mom.

"You know, I'm not going to be able to do this for you when I'm gone." She said.

"I know." I stood back up and looked at my mom with desperate eyes. We had only spent 3 years together. It wasn't fair. I mean, I wanted to leave and be my own woman, but she was my mom. No amount of freedom would make me miss her any less.

"Well I guess I have to let you go now." She tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear, before she did the same for me. I pulled her arms around me and buried my face into her hair. It smelled of sage and vanilla; the smell of my mom. At first, when I had arrived in Los Angeles, the scent gave me a headache. It was so overwhelming. But I had grown so used to it, it didn't even faze me anymore. Unless it was a time like this; when it might be the last time I smell vanilla and sage mixed together in the perfect blend. I backed away before I started to cry. I looked around my surroundings and was immediately overwhelmed by the huge building standing before me. I also noticed other kids, well, adults I guess you could say, with their parents, bidding them a farewell. Some were sad, but some were eager to start their new life.

"Call me when you get home, ok?" I didn't want to say goodbye. This was not goodbye. I kept one of her hands in mine, willing not to let go.

"Of course." She kissed me on my cheek, back away, and drew her hand away as she walked to the car, tearing all of the contact between us apart. I turned as she drove away. I didn't want to see her drive away. If I did, I felt as if I would feel if she was driving away from me. Freddie did, why wouldn't she? I shook my head, trying to rid my head of those thoughts; they were irrelevant.

I grabbed my bag, extended the handle, and rolled it along with me to the main building. There, she gave me my schedule and my dorm room; 406 Jefferson Hall. Yeah, I had absolutely no idea where that was. I sighed, lugging my bag around the entire campus. I was getting dirty looks from lip glossed faced girls who, I thought, were looking at me because of my appearance. It was _atleast _95 degrees out and I had been walking, more like trudging, around the exceptionally big campus for more than 30 minutes and it didn't do wonders for my face, which was red. The sweat had caused my makeup to run a little. I still had not found my dorm by then. When I arrived at a hall that I thought was Jefferson, a short, slim boy informed me it wasn't. I dropped to the ground, sitting on my suitcase, in the middle of the hallway. People were staring, and 'ugh'ing because they couldn't get by, but I didn't care. At this point, I wanted to go home. I wanted my mom to make me a cup of hot chocolate and sing to me until I fell asleep. I didn't want to be here anymore.

"Um, excuse me? You're kind of-" I heard someone from behind me say, but stopped. I didn't plan on turning around. I planned on ignoring him like I had been ignoring everybody else. But then he said, "Carly? Carly Shay?"

I turned around immediately and saw dark jeans, sagging a little, Chuck Taylors, a bit of stubble, and shaggy, but neat, hair. I wouldn't have known who he was if he hadn't been wearing a 'Fried Clowns' penny tee. "Oh my gosh! Freddie!" I jumped into his arms, wrapping my whole body around his. He smelled of Axe body spray, something I had always liked on guys. I backed away, not really wanting to. He stared at me, not knowing what to say, so I started with,

"I didn't know you were going here." I felt his eyes on my body. I was wearing a white, lace, bandeau type shirt, jean shorts, jean jacket, and brown boots. I looked cute, I knew that, but I really didn't expect anyone else to notice. I knew college girls were hot and I _wasn't _hot. But I guess I didn't have to be to get Freddie's attention. I was just Carly to him, and since I was Carly, I could've gotten his attention by just wearing something as bland as a toga.

He drew his eyes off of me to look me in the face. "Yeah, best technical structuring class in the US." **(A/N: I have absolutely no idea if that's even a class. But it sounds fancy so I'll make it a class)**.

"Oh, cool."

"What are you majoring in?" He asked me while rubbing the back of his head. He looked so hot.

"Video editing."

"Really? I didn't think you were into that kind of stuff."

"Yeah. I always sort of liked it, especially when you showed me how to do it. Best afternoon study session ever." I chuckled, referring to the time we were supposed to be studying for a chemistry test, but ended up editing a segment for iCarly. It was so funny, I fell off my chair laughing. He had to pick me up and carry me to my couch. That was the day we had our first kiss. Memories flashed over me as I lost myself reminiscing. Something told me Freddie remembered that day too because an awkward look rushed over his face.

"So, um, are you in this hall?"

"No. I'm in Jefferson." I groaned. "I have been walking all over campus trying to find it."

"Oh, one of my friends is in that hall. I'll take you there." He grabbed my bag and started to walk the opposite way, not giving me a chance to debate. I jogged behind him, trying to catch up with his 10 second head start.

"Wait, you don't have to do that." I told him, but that didn't stop him from walking.

"I know. But I want to." He smiled and opened a double door to a building that I hadn't visited yet. The walls were a warm color, lighter than brown but darker than tan. Small windows spaced out on the walls let some light in but the ceiling fans with their built in lights made the hallway much brighter. While I was admiring my new home, Freddie made his way over to the check in desk, where I followed.

"Your name please?" The lady sitting behind the desk asked me.

"Oh, Carly Shay." She motioned me to give her the slip of paper in my hand, the one with my room number on it.

"So you are in room #406. You're roommate is Michaela Lowler. She has already checked in." She handed me back the paper, along with a key, and greeted the girl that was behind me, asking her the same questions she had asked me. Freddie and I stepped out the way and headed down the hallway to look for my room.

"402… 404…" He counted off the numbers. "Ah, here we are. 406." He handed me my suitcase, which he wouldn't let me carry this whole time, and shoved his hands in his pockets, waiting for me to open the door. I sighed, then took the key from my pocket, unlocked the door and was introduced to a half bland, half _pink, _room.

I was immediately greeted to the bubbly, energetic, Michaela. "Hi! I'm Michaela. You must be Carly!"

I nodded. The side where I assumed I would be staying had been stripped of all of its decoration; no comforter, no posters, not even a picture hanging on the wall. The other side of the room however, had obviously come from Michaela. She had laid down a pink, fuzzy rug next to her bed, which had a hot pink comforter on it, decorated with light and dark pink pillows. I felt nauseas. I had never liked the color pink. When I first moved in with my mom, the guest room was pink. I forced her to change it, stating I would never, _ever, _live in a pink room. I guess I lied.

"And I'm guessing this is your boyfriend." She said referring to Freddie.

"No!" Freddie half choked, "No, I'm not. I mean, years ago, but-"

"This is my friend, Freddie." I interrupted, not wanting to know how he was going to end his explanation.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Well, I'm going to let you two get acquainted. Carly, I'll see you later." He lightly touched my hip, sending an electric shock over my body, but it fizzed when he drew his hand back and started to leave.

"Wait. Do you want to go out later?" He raised an eyebrow. "Like dinner? You know, catch up?"

He hesitated, but said, "Sure, sounds like fun. I'll pick you up around 7." He smiled and closed the door when he left, leaving me with alone with Michaela. I turned to her, smiled, and started to unpack my bag, but not without a long rant about how she's excited to be here and can't wait to start partying it up. I continued to nod, not really knowing what she was saying, but she didn't seem to notice. By the time I was done unpacking, she had left to go out with her friends. It was the perfect time to get ready for my date with Freddie. Well, I wish it was a date.

**7 o'clock**

I checked my outfit one last time in the mirror. I was wearing a floral sundress, accessorized with a big, brown belt, the same jean jacket I had had on earlier that day, and the same brown boots. I had curled my hair so it bounced perfectly. I accented my face with some cherry chapstick and glazed it with a clear overcoat of Lip Smackers. Mascara and some blush topped it all off. I smiled to myself in the mirror, but it faded. I wasn't anything special to Freddie anymore. He didn't even take a second to deny that he was my boyfriend. It's like he was embarrassed or-

I didn't have time to finish was I was thinking. _*Knock Knock*_

I was not used to that sound at all. When I lived with Spencer, no one knocked. I was so accustomed to everyone freely coming in when they please. And when I lived with my mom, no one really came over.

"Come in." I said while grabbing my purse. The door opened and Freddie walked in, wearing the same jeans and shoes, but had changed into a nice, button down, navy blue shirt.

"Hey Carls. You look great."

"As do you. So, where are we going tonight?"

"This great diner called Pablo's. It has everything you like. Well, um, used to like I guess."

"Trust me, I like the same things that I did when I was 15." I said, trying to be subtle about this whole situation, even though I half hoped that he caught on.

"Great, then you'll love this place. Let's go." He held a hand out for me to take and I did, gladly. It took about 15 minutes to get to the restaurant but I didn't mind. We didn't talk, but we did, I guess. He kept staring at me, the way only Freddie can. I wanted to look back, tell him silently that I still had feelings for him, but it was too soon. I had no idea how he felt. If anything, he didn't have a tiny bit of feelings for me, seeing as how I didn't leave on the best of terms.

We arrived at Pablo's and got a nice booth by a window. I stared out into the starlit sky, the same sky I had stared at that night that I left. "Remember when we used to go on the roof of Bushwell and just stare at those stars for hours, and sometimes even fall asleep up there?" Freddie asked me.

I focused my attention on him. "Yeah, I remember. I also remember getting sunburns when we woke up at 8 in the morning." I chuckled, nibbling on one of the fries from a basket the waitress has brought us.

He laughed along with me. _God, _I missed that laugh. "So are you going to go visit Spencer anytime soon?"

"Yeah, probably." I took another fry. "But with the new baby and all, I don't know if he'll have time for me." Spencer and Charlotte had just recently welcomed a baby boy, Nicholas, to their family. I had been e-mailing Spencer and he said that even though Isabelle was jealous, she was still fond of her little baby brother.

"I went to visit them the other day. Nick looks just like Charlotte, even more than Isabelle does."

"I know, I saw pictures."

"Oh." Wow, this was awkward. "So, tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"What have you been up to? What happened while you were in Los Angeles?" The waitress came by, dropped off my cheeseburger and Freddie's stake.

Before eating, I answered, "Well, a lot actually."

"We have plenty of time." He smiled and cut into his stake. I smiled as well.

I told him pretty much everything. He had always been so easy to talk to. I told him about how Sam and I had kept in touch. I told him about my two closest friends in Los Angeles; Brooklyn and Sebastian. I told him about how my mom was dating a refrigerator salesman. And I told him about Derek.

"We met at a party that Brooklyn dragged me to. I really didn't want to go. But I had to. We were forced to go in the closet for 7 minutes in heaven. I know, stupid. But hey, we were 16 year olds. When we were in there, he was expecting to 'get it in', but I kicked him in the crotch." I laughed. "He was impressed that I stood up to him; no girl had turned him down before. He called me the next day, we hung out, we kissed, we dated." By that point, I had finished half my cheeseburger but didn't plan on eating it anymore than that. Freddie's stake had been gone 20 minutes ago, and he was working on finishing his fries.

"You said dated. You're not going out anymore?"

"He, um… he cheated on me with some random girl. She didn't even mean anything to him."

He laughed. It wasn't a 'ha-ha' funny laugh, it was more of a 'wow' laugh. He muttered under his breath, "I know exactly how that feels." I knew he didn't expect me to hear it, but I did. I rolled my eyes angrily, snorted, and said,

"Wow." I slammed my coke on the table, loud enough to draw some unwanted attention. But I didn't notice anybody. I got up from the table and walked away, well, more like ran. I was mad. Furious. Of course, after all of these years, he still assumed the worst. _I_ _had not cheated. _I wish I would've cheated. It would've made this whole situation easier. If I could tell him the truth I would. But I didn't want to. Even after 3 years, I was still embarrassed. I shouldn't have been, but I was. It wasn't my fault, but somehow I was still blaming myself. My thoughts were interrupted by,

"Carly! Carly, wait! I'm sorry." We were outside of the restaurant in the cold night air of Seattle.

"No, I'm not going to wait! I thought I waited! I thought that 3 years was going to be enough for you to get over it. But apparently, it wasn't. So until you can put this crap behind you, leave me alone." I turned around so I could run home, but stopped. It was 8:30 at night, and it was almost pitch black. I couldn't see anything. Besides, it took us 15 minutes to get here by car, I couldn't imagine how long it would take to get home on foot. I sighed and turned back around, not sure what I was going to do. I settled on a bench that was in front of Pablo's and turned by back to Freddie, who eventually sat beside me.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say it, I swear." His hand was on my back, rubbing up and down. I wanted to push it away, but it felt so damn good.

I wiped away a stray tear before speaking. "Why is this a big deal? It's been 3 years."

"I don't know. I guess… I guess it's not. But I think I cared so much before because… because I loved you, Carly."

I turned around. "No you didn't. We were only 15. We didn't even know what love was back then."

"I did." He was completely serious. A part inside of my felt as if he was going to burst out laughing at any moment, but he didn't. "Look, I'm sorry for what I said, I really am. Can we please put the past in the past, and keep in there?"

"A fresh start?"

"A fresh start." He stood up and extended a hand out to me. I took it, stood up as well, and hugged him. I didn't really mean to, but I was so used to it. He didn't seem to mind though, because he gladly welcomed me into his arms. I smiled to myself, but stopped when he pulled away. We got into the car, silently, and drove back to SU.

**Like it? Then please review? Don't like it? Please review :) I really need you guys to tell me what you think. I like this story but I want to know if you guys do. So please review, if not, I still aprreciate you guys reading. I'll try to update soon. **


	3. Teardrops On My Recipe Book

**Helloo! Sorry it took me a while to update. It was partly because I wanted to wait until I got more reviews but it was mostly because I was lazy. Thank you to the people that reviewed! I will put your names up on the next chapter! :) Ok, so this chapter is...um, well, it's a chapter hahahaa the title is a reference to the song my Taylor Swift (don't make me tell you. It's sort of obvious haha). Please enjoy! **

**Chapter Key:  
><strong>**_words_- recieved text  
>words- sent text (the site won't let me underline words, so this is the best I could do)<strong>**  
><strong>_words- pretty much just words that appear on the phone. . . eh, you'll understand_

_Buzz. _I felt my phone vibrate once again in my pocket. I fished it out and read the text message from Freddie:

_**This is so fun.**_

I giggled to myself, hearing his sarcasm in the words alone without hearing his voice. I turned around in my seat to see Freddie looking back at me. I smiled at him, he returned it, and I turned around to reply.

**u suck at cooking and need to learn. i shall not associate with u otherwise :)**

Send. I heard a laugh from behind me and recognized it immediately.

"Is something funny, Mr. Benson?" The teacher asked him. His head snapped up, eyes wide, and attempted to answer her.

"Oh . . . uh, nothing. It's just . . . onion dip fascinates me." He said, referring to what she had been talking about. Ms. Wiesner had been discussing the curriculum for this year, but I zoned out every few minutes to read Freddie's amusing texts. We had come so far in the past month. Nothing from the past, except for Sam, was ever the topic of conversation anymore. He had stopped accusing me of cheating on him, even thought I knew he still felt it down under. I don't think he would ever fully trust me again. But talking was a start. It was progress, which was good.

Ms. Wiesner rolled her eyes and continued her lecture. _Buzz._

_**Tht was close. heyy, wanna get a pizza after class?**_

I tilted my head, thinking, and replied:

**I guess. but I have to b back at my dorm by 5. Michaela and i r going to the movies**

More talking. More lecture. _Buzz._

_**Mmmkay :)**_

I smiled. Ugh, I loved him.

After all of the talking and all of the lecturing, she handed out the agenda for the year and let us leave. I stuffed the extremely thick book into my bag, not planning on looking at for about another 6 months until it was absolutely necessary. I waited outside for all of the people to clear the room and then I saw the brown hair, brown eyes, defined abs peeking through his white, semi see-through shirt, and knew who I was looking at. He smiled at me as he emerged in the doorway. I smiled back and started to walk to our favorite on campus restaurant, Mario's.

"Pepperoni, sausage, and on the other half of the pizza please add some mushrooms." Freddie finished up our order. I giddy, blonde waitress nodded, took our menus, and skipped off to the back of the restaurant.

"You always know what to get." I told him, taking a sip of my water.

"I know you too well." He smiled. I propped my elbows up on the table and supported my head with my hands, gazing at him. I wanted to find something wrong with him, some sort of flaw, but there wasn't one. He was so perfect.

"Yeah, I guess." I sighed. "So, have you talked to Sam lately?"

He coughed. "Sorry." He said while wiping the water off of his mouth. "Um, not really. We didn't, um . . . we didn't keep in touch after you left."

"Aw, why not?" I asked, knowing the answer before I asked the question. Sam and Freddie really only associated with each other because of me. I assumed since they met through me, so I guess when I left, there was really no real reason to continue talking. But again, that was me assuming.

"I didn't like her, never did like her, and never gonna like her." He said bluntly. I flinched a bit, not really expecting such a harsh answer.

"Look, I know you guys never really got along, but that doesn't mean –"

"I really don't want to talk about Sam anymore, ok?" At that moment, the waitress came back with our pizza and Freddie dug in immediately. I looked at him for a while before I decided to eat as well. Throughout our meal, I kept stealing glances at him. I wanted to push him more on the Sam subject, ask him why it was so hard to talk about, but I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't. If he had brushed it off that quickly, my guess that it wasn't really important, or it was a bombshell. I tried not to assume the worst. Freddie looked back occasionally at me, and we would stare at each other awkwardly for a moment, but brake eye contact. I always thought about different ways Freddie and I would end up, but I sure as hell didn't imagine this. It was awkward, it was nerve-wracking, and most of all, it was pathetic. In the old days, he would've just told me what was going on, if anything. But that was a while ago. Now, it was like he was dough, and I had to take a rolling pin and force the secrets to come out. I used to write in my diary about how maybe one day we would get married, have 3 kids, and live in a loft in New York City. I don't know why that was my vision, but for some reason, that was the one that I truly hoped for. But the thing was, I hated New York. I hated the bugs, the trash, and the people. They were all disgusting. I remember one day, back at Bushwell, while we were watching a stupid documentary in biology, Freddie had told me it was his dream to visit and one day live in New York. Ever since then, I had wanted to go there with him, explore with him. I wanted him to have atleast one fulfillment in his life. But now, I couldn't even give him that. The only thing I could do now was stare at him in confusion. Confusion about everything and anything. Confusion about him, confusion about me . . . confusion about us.

I nodded, finally coming back to real life. "Sorry." I flipped open my phone, trying to distract myself from looking him in the eye.

_1 unread message  
><em>_From: Michaela_

My screen on my phone read. I clicked _read, _and read the text:

_**Uh hello? Movies! Where the hell r u?**_

I grabbed a surprised Freddie's wrist, looked at the time on his watch, and texted back:

**So sorry! I was caught up with something else. Ill meet u there.**

_Send. _"I have to go." I grabbed my purse and walked away before he had a chance to answer. As I walked the 25 minute pathway that led to the movies, I couldn't get my mind off Freddie. Hell, when wasn't my mind on Freddie. So many questions running through my mind; why did I still like him so much? What wasn't he telling me? Does he like me? What the hell is that smell? I looked up from my feet, where I had been staring at the whole time I was walking, and noticed a huge sign with a bunch of movie titles. I sighed and walked into the building. The theatre was right outside of the campus and it was a Friday night. Tons of college people were huddled into atleast 6 groups throughout the building. It wasn't until my eyes passed the group of dudes that looked like Abercrombie models that I found Michaela. She was wearing white skinny jeans, a yellow blouse, and some ankle boots. Her blonde hair was half up, half down, and the highlights she had gotten earlier that week were looking great. After that first day of awkward 'getting to know your roommate' stuff, I had actually learned to like her. She wasn't nearly as appealing as Sam, in terms of fun (not looks; I don't roll that way), but she wasn't bad. We had bounded over our music, Hot Chelle Rae, and quickly found a lot more of things in common. When she found me, she motioned over for me to come.

"Hey, you!"

"Hi." She looped one arm around mine, something that I had always hated, but didn't really care about anymore. She walked me over to the group she had been talking to before I arrived. It was conceived of Alicia, Tori, Adam, Shelby, Alyson, and Craig. I waved and smiled at all of them. When I waved at Adam, he smiled, flashing his 'too white to be teeth' teeth. He had always been fond of me. And trust me, there was nothing wrong with him. We had even hooked up on a couple occasions, but he wasn't . . . Freddie.

"So can we please go? The movie starts in 7 minutes!" Alyson squealed.

"Yeah, let's go!" Michaela exclaimed, running after the girls, unhooking arms with me in the process. Adam stayed behind to walk with me. I grabbed his hand, intertwined my fingers with his, and followed the girls and Craig, not looking back at Adam to see what he had to say. All I wanted was to get Freddie off of my mind, and I knew exactly how I was going to do it.

**At Carly's dorm**

"Is this ok?" Adam asked for permission. I barely heard him, seeing as how his voice was muffled and his mouth was busy sucking on my neck. I didn't want to talk. I pulled his head up so he could look me in the eyes. We held our gaze for a moment until he directed his attention on my shirt. One by one, he undid the buttons in perfect sequence. When the last button was lose, he yanked off my shirt, throwing it somewhere I didn't even try to see. My eyes were focused on his body. At that point, he was only wearing his boxers and white socks, with me still in my jeans shorts and bra. I felt his hands crawl underneath my back towards the buckle. I didn't want to tell him no, but I didn't want this going to any further. I grabbed his hands and placed them on my hips, silently telling him this was as far as we were going to get. He caught on, sighed, but continued to kiss me nevertheless.

_Buzz._

"Was that mine, or yours?" I tried to ask in between kisses. He shrugged and attempted once again to get my shorts off. I pushed him off, getting up to check my phone.

_1 unread message  
><em>_From: Freddie_

I clicked _read. _

_**Wanna come over and study the recipes? :) There will b ice cream!**_

I turned my head slightly to the semi naked Adam that was sprawled out on my bed, waiting for me. We had left the movie early so that we could come back and do, well, this. He wasn't my boyfriend, but more like my boy toy. I smiled to myself. I loved that word.

**Make sure its cookies & cream. B over in 10.**

"I have to go." I said, finding my shirt on the mini fridge. _That's where it went _I thought to myself.

"What? Now? Why?" He hopped off of the bed and stood in front of me.

"Adam, just get out. You knew you weren't going to be able to stay over so why are you freaking out?" I asked him, putting on my white vans.

"I'm freaking out because you're ditching me to go play with your little techy nerd." _How the hell did he know who texted me? _

"I'm not ditching you. I just, wasn't that into it." At that point, I was fully dressed, purse in hands, and was making my way out. "If you want you can make yourself some popcorn or something. Just don't be here when Michaela gets back." I shut the door at headed to Freddie's.

**At Freddie's dorm**

"Hey, Shay." Freddie greeted me, pulling me in with one arm by the hip, causing me to lose my balance a little. I loved the way he touched me sometimes, even if he didn't know what he did to me.

"Hey, Freddie." I threw my purse somewhere in the room, I wasn't really paying attention, and draped myself over his couch. Freddie's dorm was kind of like a very small apartment. When you first walked in, you are introduced to a couch, a mini fridge, a small TV, and a window that shows the parking lot. If you look to the right, there was a door and another one on the left. Each door led to a room for a two people. I had always loved his dorm. It reminded me of Bushwell, for some strange reason. Maybe it was because I was so used to having somewhere to go that was roomy. Freddie's apartment had always been like a home to me and I guess this dorm wasn't far behind.

Freddie joined me on the couch, pulling out his recipe book and flipping to omelet. It sounded easy, yes, but trust me, there is a lot of stuff you needed to know. Why the hell would anybody put paprika on an omelet?

"So, do you want me to quiz you?" He asked. One of his hands was steadying the book in his lap, but the other was idly resting on my shoulder, twirling my hair around his finger. I felt like I was going to melt . . . or explode.

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Go for it."

"Mmmkay . . ." He scanned the page. "Ok, what is the first thing you need to do to prepare an omelet?"

"Umm . . . don't you need to turn on the burner?"

"Obviously! But after that?"

I snapped my fingers and pointed at him. "Spray the pan with non-stick spray!"

"Alright!" He said, as if I had just won a contest for a new car. I knew he was acting overly excited, but he was so damn cute when he did it, I didn't even roll my eyes. He extended a hand into the air and I slapped it, giving him a high-5.

"Your turn!" I grabbed the book from him. "According to the book, how much cheese should be added to the omelet?"

He stared up at the ceiling, thinking. "Is it ½ cup?"

"Wrong! It's 1 cup!" I laughed. "Wow, never did I see the day where I, Carly Shay, was smarter than Freddie Benson." I taunted him.

"Oh really?" I nodded. "Let's see how smart you are when you're on the ground crying for mercy!" He said, and then pounced. The book was the first thing to hit the floor, and then me, back first. Freddie fell on top of me, laughing. I laughed as well, but shortly stopped after realizing the position we were in. His hands were on my shoulders, as mine were on his hips. I really wasn't that uncomfortable. We had touched each other more than this before. But it wasn't until I heard someone clear their throat that I felt awkward.

"What's going on?" A short brunette girl asked. Her eyes were wide and clearly she was upset. Freddie immediately jumped up off of me and ran to her side. I got up too, and she came into focus. She wasn't as short as she was from the ground, but she was no taller than me or Freddie. Her light, faded skinny jeans had holes in them, but that only made them look better. She was also wearing a red and black plaid top, accented with an oversized necklace. But her shoes were the things that caught my attention. I was expecting heels, something that matched the necklace, but no. She was wearing white and black high tops. To be honest, it looked weird, but I guess on her it worked.

"Nothing is going on." Freddie explained. "This is my best friend Carly. I've known her since middle school. Trust me, _nothing is going on." _My heart sunk.

"Oh, you're Carly?" Her hand raced to her heart. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" She pulled me in for a hug, something I really wasn't expecting. My arms dangled by my sides as she continued to squeeze me. When she finally let go, I raced to grab my purse and started to head out.

"Where are you going?" Freddie asked. The girl had already plopped herself down on the couch as if it were her room, as if this was her boyfriend's dorm or something like that. Wait a minute . . .

"Who is that?" I asked him, pulling him out into the hall to have a more private conversation.

"That's Serra. She's my . . ."

"Girlfriend?" I said, pretty much answering for him. He nodded. "Ok." I said, not really knowing what else to say.

"Please stay. She won't even bother us. I promise."

_Buzz. _"Ugh!" I grunted pulling out my phone.

_1 unread message  
><em>_From: Adam_

I clicked _read._

_**Heyy Michaela just called the dorm. I ansered and she said she was sleeping over at Alyson's. I'm still here. And Im lonely . . . **_

I closed my phone, not necessarily denying his request, just thinking about it. I looked at Freddie, considering his offer. I glanced back into his room, where Serra was eating _my _ice cream and watching some stupid rerun of a spring break special on MTV. I frowned and turned back to Freddie.

"I have to go." I told him. I had been saying that a lot lately. I heard him try to protest, but after I ignored him, he gave up and went back inside. I sighed, opened my phone and replied:

**Im on my way.**

**Thanks for reading! I really aprriciate it. About that scene with Carly and Adam, I didn't want to make it really expicit. Heck, I didn't want to make it explicit at all. That's why it's like it is. And did you wonder why Freddie is all weird when he hears Sam's name? Is it because he just hates her? Maybe! You'll find out in later chapters. Please review. I would really appriciate it even more than you just reading it! :) I'll even review a story that you ask me to read! Is that a good incintive? I hope so!**


	4. Kiss Kiss

**Update time! Sorry for the super long delay, but to be honest, the reason I haven't updated in so long is because of my lack of motivation. I don't have alot of reviews so I don't know what people think. But I AM grateful for the ones that I got so thank you so much! I will put your names in the next chapter :) So just to clear up, I got a comment about Carly being a little slutty. Well, here's my explanation: she's 18. In my last story, she was 16, so I made her careful and all that. Here, she's growing up and acting a little different. She gets to be care free because, well, it's college! She'll get better though :) Please enjoy!**

_Not again, please not again, _I thought to myself. As if on cue, the alarm clock went off for the 4th time. I groaned, but avoided the snooze button. Turning the alarm clock off, I slowly lifted myself out of bed and made my way to my mini fridge that was stocked with mountain fizz. I took the already open one and chugged it, giving me a enough energy to get dressed. As I put on my Thursday clothes (yoga pants, a black t-shirt, and flip flops), Michaela woke up from the other side of the room, groaned (as I had previously done), and headed off to the bathroom.

"Can you throw a piece of that pizza into the microwave for me?" She asked me on her way out. She didn't stop for an answer, just proceeded into the hallway expecting me to do it, which I would. We had gotten into the habit of eating breakfast that consisted of the dinner from the night before.

"Mmkay." I said as I threw on my sweatshirt over my t-shirt. I knew I didn't look appealing, but hey, who was I supposed to look appealing for? Freddie was too wrapped up in Serra.

I shivered.

Just the thought of her made me cringe. For the past few weeks, nothing was ever _not _about Serra. When Freddie and I'd go to the movies, it would always be the one they saw last week. Or when we'd go to dinner, it was always one of Serra's favorite restaurants. I was sick of it. I knew that were in a relationship, but c'mon. I'd always hated when couples talked about each other nonstop. Not only did it get annoying to the person you were talking to, but it eventually got annoying to the person talking. It made me wonder why Freddie never talked about me. Not that I would want him to, 'cause as I said, it was annoying, but why not me? I was interesting, right? I tried to shrug it off while I ate my morning bagel but things like that had been bugging me lately. Thing like: "Why doesn't he call me 'Carls' anymore?" and "Why doesn't he lean into me when he gets nervous or scared anymore?" But the questions were pointless, because I knew why. Serra.

"Ready to go?" Michaela asked me when she finished up her pizza. I nodded and grabbed my bag. When she opened the door, she wasn't expecting a 5'7'', brunette, and totally adorable 18 year old boy standing in the door away. As a result, she yelped and threw her whole body into mine.

"Calm down, it's just Freddie." I smiled as he stared at me. No matter how hideous I made myself look, I would always be just Carly to him. Ugh, _just Carly. _

"Yeah, it's just me. I was thinking we could walk to class together."

Michaela looked at me, as if the look were a question. I didn't really know how to answer. She sighed and pushed me into Freddie, causing him to stumble back a few steps as he caught me.

"I'll see you later." She half chuckled and walked off. I watched her go until she wasn't visible any longer.

"Sorry about her." I said as we started walking ourselves.

"Nah, don't worry about it. Michaela's great." He smiled at me and then turned to look forward. We were walking on the grass, never on the sidewalk. It was always way too crowded and besides, the grass always smelled really fresh in the morning, as if someone had sprayed it with Febreeze. Every time we walked together, I contemplated holding his hand. It was something we had always done when we were just friends, before we started dating. But I felt that it might mean something different since we were older. As a child, it only meant that we were best friends and we pretty much belonged to each other. But as 18 year olds, it may have given everybody the assumption that we were screwing each other, which we weren't, by the way.

"So," he said, pulling me back into reality, "Did you learn the recipe?"

I sighed, hoping he would want to talk to me about something, anything, other than that stupid spaghetti sauce recipe. "Uh huh."

"Cool . . . we have a test next class. It's supposed to be on -"

"Freddie? Can we not talking about class?"

He looked a little confused. "Yeah, sure. What do you want to talk about?"

"Us." I said, no louder than a whisper. I didn't think he could hear me over the voices of the crowd around us, but I guess I was wrong. He cleared his throat, something he always did when he was nervous.

"Oh . . . us." He said, not looking at me.

"I mean . . . what I mean is . . . what I really want to know is . . ." I tried to say, but I kept choking on my words. "What is 'us', exactly? Like, where do we stand?"

He finally looked at me as we arrived at the coffee kiosk we always went to. "Um, well, you know. . ." I had expected him to shoot the question down as soon as I asked it. I even half expected him to yell at me for even asking it. But the last thing I expected was for him to hesitate. Did this mean he didn't consider us just friends? I pondered as he ordered us 2 ice coffees. He handed me mine and I took it, staring at him for an answer.

"Freddie . . ."

"Look, I really don't know." He said right before he drank his coffee to avoid any other conversation.

"Fine." I tossed my untouched coffee into a nearby trash can, not even thinking about it. I regretted it as soon as I did it. _Come back, _I whined in my head.

"Carly, you know how I feel about y -" but he didn't get to finish. A sudden chill rushed over me and I knew exactly who was approaching. "Hey, babe." Freddie said as he hugged her waist, way too low, if I had input. But I didn't, so I kept my mouth shut.

As Freddie pulled away, Serra pulled his face down to hers and planted her 2 dollar lip-gloss covered lips right over his. I looked away, not wanting to vomit all over her too cute for Thursday outfit (red blouse, white skinny jeans, and brown wedges). Why did she always have to look so perfect? I looked down at my attire and frowned. _When I get back to my hall, you're going into the fire place _I silently told me outfit. Now this girl is making me talk to my own clothes. Is there anything she _can't _do? When I finally decided to look back at them, they were holding hands. _Damn it, _I thought. There goes my chance.

"Oh, hi Carly." She said, as if she hadn't seen me standing there while she was sucking face with Freddie. I forced a smile towards her, but stuck my middle finger up when turned away. Freddie was awkwardly placed in between the middle of us, not knowing who to look at. Serra was going on and on about some math test she thought she failed when I felt Freddie's hand lightly brush mine. He held it there to long for it to be an accident. I smiled to myself.

"Here's my stop." I said, making my distance between them.

"Ok, I'll meet you here after class?" Freddie asked me, making Serra frown. I almost laughed.

"That works. Bye." I raised my hand slightly to wave and headed into class.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~After Class~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

"No, not really." I heard Freddie say as I emerged from the doorway. Of course, he was with Serra, _again. _Ugh, doesn't she have friends of her own. As I made my way to them, I felt a hand go up my shirt from behind me and stopped in my tracks. I turned and slapped Adam in the face, not even giving it a second thought. He didn't seem to be fazed by it as he still had that dumb smirk on his face, something I used to be attracted to. When we first started hanging out, I felt really comfortable with him. He was the one I went to for comfort when no one else was around **(A/N: For example, in the last chapter when Freddie was hanging out with Serra). **But that's really all I wanted. But things started getting physical and he wanted more. More than I could ever give to a boy I had only know for 2 months. I tried to break things off, but he kept coming back, and showing up wherever I was. Like for instance . . .

"Knock it off, Adam!" I yelled at him, pushing up the bra strap he had pulled down.

"What'd I do? You used to love when I did that." He inched forward while I did the opposite.

"Actually, I never liked it. And I never liked you. So go away!" I started to walk away but his hand clutched my arm. _Oh no, _I thought. That feeling. That feeling came back to me. That feeling that I had had all those years ago. That feeling that had put me into complete turmoil. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't with all of those people watching. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there, like I had done that night.

"You're not breaking up with me, are you?" He asked, sounding all innocent all of a sudden.

"We were never together!" I struggled to get my arm out of his grasp but he kept holding on tighter. _Oh God, _I thought. I was on the verge of hyper venelating when I felt another hand grab my waist. This one was muscular, but was soft to the touch.

"Get your hands off of her." Freddie said strongly as he pried Adam's fingers off of me one by one.

"So you're dumping me for him? _Him?_" Adam stood in front of us with his hands in his pockets. I rubbed my arm where he had grabbed it and tried to stay calm.

"Dumping you? Like she would _ever_ go out with_ you_!" Freddie tried to keep his voice low, but his anger rose the volume level and earned him some awkward stares from some nearby students.

"I wouldn't say 'going out' is exactly what we did." Adam snorted and walked off with a group that was waiting for him. I glared at him from behind but focused my attention on Freddie when I noticed the look he was giving me.

"What?"

"What did he mean?"

"Who? Adam? Nothing. He was just talking a bunch of BS." I looked past him and saw Serra eyeing both of us, then turned back to Freddie.

"That didn't sound like BS. What did you two do?" He asked, more seriously.

I was about to answer when a tall, thin guy, who kind of reminded me of Spencer, walked up to us and handed us a sky blue flyer. It read:

**PARTY OF THE YEAR**

**HARRISON HALL**

**ROOM 212**

**8:00 – WHENEVER THE HELL YOU WANNA LEAVE**

**BRING BEER.**

I smiled to myself. Finally, somewhere I could go and clear my mind. Somewhere I could go and not have a care in the world. Somewhere I could go and not think about Freddie.

"This sounds like fun." Freddie said. _Damn it._

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~8:15~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

"So what's his name?" I asked Sam, attempting to hold the phone between my head and shoulder while I laid out different dresses and shirts, all while trying to keep the towel that was keeping my body private above my chest.

"Dave, and he's totally smokin' hot! Momma likey!" She yelled on the other line. She was obviously drunk.

"Well I hope you have fun with him tonight. Don't do anything stupid." I said in a more serious tone.

"Oh, don't worry, I will." I frowned. "But enough about me, let's talk about yooooouuuuu!" She sang the last word as if it were a lyric in a Christina Aguilera song, but ridiculously off key.

"What about me?" _Eenie meenie miny mo . . . _I sang inside my head, pointing off the dresses.

"Who are you dating?"

"It's impossible to date at college. There's always something getting in the way . . ." I said, referring to Serra.

"I hearya!" Ok, she was starting to slur. Time to go.

"Sam, I have to go, but I miss you. A lot."

"I miss you too Carls!" I heard a loud bang and then a scream, but Sam laughed so I figured it was nothing serious.

"Look, I have to go, but call me when you're sobered up, ok?"

"I nodded." Sam said, causing me to laugh. Ugh, I loved her.

"Bye, Sam."

"Byeeeeee!" Call ended. I tossed the phone aside and picked up my silver sequenced top that I was going to wear. That, along with black leggings and black sequenced shoes. After I was dressed I curled my hair, and sprayed it with some sea salt hairspray. I smiled, satisfied with my look, and went to grab my purse as someone knocked on my door.

"It's open." I said, struggling to get my bag from under my bed.

"You look beautiful." Freddie said. But it didn't really sound like a compliment, but as if he were naming a state. Just a fact.

"Thank you. You look nice too." I took a step forward but stopped when Serra stepped from behind him.

"You do look pretty, Carls." _Holy crap, holy crap. _That was not ok. Only my best friends get to call me Carls. And she was _certainly _not one of my best friends. I glared at Freddie, obviously annoyed, but he avoided eye contact and continued to stare at the floor, making me even more pissed. I pushed past them, out the door and didn't wait for them to catch up, just kept walking, and walking, and walking, until Harrison Hall, Room 212. By the time we arrived, the place was already packed. So much so, that the hallways were about ready to overflow. I sighed, not knowing what I expected. I didn't know if I was happy or sad. I was just confused. I grabbed a beer filled plastic cup from a student passing by and poured it down my throat, feeling the burn of alcohol. I ignored the look I got from the boy and made my way through the crowd to find the keg, or another helpless student. But by the time I made it do the beer source, Freddie was already dragging me back.

"What the hell? Get off of me!" I yanked my arm back from him, but he didn't seem to care.

"You're not going to just drink away all your pain. I care too much about you to let you do that."

"Oh, so _now_ you care!" I spat at him, blaming it on the alcohol. I felt terrible for yelling at him. He didn't deserve it. But I was tired of keeping all of my feelings in. It wasn't healthy. And the longer I kept it bottled up, the more pressure was just going to build and build and build and finally, explode. "Freddie, I like you, ok? Hell, I love you!"

"What?" He yelled, obviously not hearing what I had just said due to the volume raising music.

"Ugh!" I pulled him into a nearby janitor's closet, where the music was still apparent but all that I really heard was the beat of the bass. I sat down on a mop bucket and buried my hands into my face, not sure if I had the courage to say what I had said again.

"You know this looks an awful lot like 3 years ago." He said kneeling down so that our eyes met at the same level. He pulled my hands down and placed them in his, kissing them, something he knew comforted me.

"Oh, Freddie . . ." I tried to get the words 'I love you' out, but they didn't budge.

"Are you going to be ok?" He asked, still kissing my hands, one finger at a time. I smiled. He turned back into the 15 year old Freddie I knew once. Back then . . .

"I guess, but, Freddie?"

"Yeah?" He looked up.

"I need to tell you something." I stood up, bringing him with me.

"Tell me what happened with you and Adam." He said, pretty much tearing up the moment that we just had. I glared at him, not really believing he just asked me that. But I figured, why lie? Might as well just tell him the truth.

"We . . ." I sighed, "We hooked up, a couple of times, actually." I was going to apologize, but for what? I didn't owe him anything.

"Oh." _That's it? _I thought.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, oh. What else do you want me to say?" He said in a harsh tone.

"Well what did you want _me _to say? That we knitted together? I mean, what were you expecting?"

"I just don't like the idea of you sleeping with other guys! I want guys to treat you right!"

"I didn't sleep with him! Besides, why do you even care! You're with Serra!"

"Because I love you!" His voice cracked as he said it. I know he didn't mean to say it. I didn't even think he knew he was going to say it. But he said it. It had come out. It was there. He loved me. "Um . . . you know, as a best friend."

"Stop lying." I said, inching closer to him. He didn't step back, but grabbed me by the waist and pulled me closer. As I had moved through the crowd earlier, my shirt had risen up a bit, just enough to show a patch of skin above where my leggings stopped at my waist. Freddie placed his hand there sending an electric shock up my body. Normally, I hated being touched. It brought back that feeling from that night. But this was a good touch. A touch that could never be interpreted as bad. "I love you too."

He didn't smile, not yet. But the tear that strolled down his cheek made it clear that he was happy. Our noses were touching and his hands were still at my waist. I wanted to head in, head in for that long awaited kiss, but I couldn't. I needed for him to make the first move so I knew this was his idea and that he was ok with it. I was scared he wasn't going to. Even a little scared that he was going to back away and second guess his decision to come in here with me. But my doubt was hammered down by that touch of his lips. The kiss was so light, our lips barely touching, but it was enough. The grip on my hips got stronger, the desire as well. My hands rested around his neck, not moving. Neither one of us was moving. We just stood there, kissing the lightest of all kisses, basking in our love.

**Good? Great? Outstanding? Horrible? Let me know, please! Any review is appreciated! :) Oh and btw, this story shouldn't be anymore than 10 chapters. This is definately not like Beautiful Unraveling, more like a hobby, not a prority. But I will update much sooner if more people review! Thanks for reading! Stay tuned! Next chapter is titled confession . . . for more reasons than one . . . there are 2 bombshells next chapters! That's right, 2! So please check that out! And tell me what you think they'll be! I would love hearing your theories! Love you guys! :)**


	5. Confessions

**Hello viewers! Ok, so I don't know how long it had been since I updated, but I'm like not on a normal schedule. With _Beautiful Unraveling, _I had a pretty good updating schedule, but with this story I pretty much update when I have time. Hope that's ok :) Thank you to CatHeartsU, unknown, SirRay, alicat5797, and a unknown(by the way, I don't know who you are, but thanks for that review! That was really sweet) for reviewing my story! I would love to put more names up here, so please give me some feedback and review! So, this chapter takes place right where the last one left off. Please enjoy!**

**Minor Sexual Content.**

I stepped back cautiously, trying not to trip over they mop bucket that was behind me. I stared at Freddie as he stared at me. I tried to read his expression, but it wasn't clear. I felt crushed. I knew he regretted it. I just knew it. My first thought was to run, not caring about what he had to say, because his face said it all. But my legs wouldn't move. Not even enough to shake. The rest of my body was but my legs just wouldn't budge. I sat down, still staring at him and him at me. About 700 thoughts ran through my head; _Did he like it? Was it a bad kiss? Did I remember to brush this morning?_

"Carly? Are you ok?" He asked, in the same position he had been in for what felt like hours, but in reality we had only been in there for less than 10 minutes.

"I'm fine. I was going to ask you the same thing." I looked down and started fidgeting with my hands.

He sighed. "I'm . . . relieved, actually."

"Relieved?"

"Yeah, I am. I'm relieved that now I know how you feel. I mean, I kind of had a feeling that you liked me, but -"

"Love." I corrected him. He gave a me a confused look. "I don't like you. I love you."

He smiled, and stepped closer, but immediately stepped back when the door swung open, revealing a short, drunk, brunette Serra stumbling over the buckets and cleaning supplies to get to Freddie. She threw her arms around him, something he obviously didn't want from the apparent way he turned his head in a disgusted manner.

"What's goin' on in here?" She said, her eyes closed and all of her body weight on top of Freddie. He winced as he smelled the alcohol on her.

"I'm so sorry!" Another girl came into the closet, grabbing Serra. "We've been looking for her for forever!"

"Oh hi, boo boo. You're so cute." Serra pinched the girl's cheeks as she shifted her weight from Freddie to her.

"I'm going to take her home." She said and walked out with a babbling Serra. I laughed a little under my breath, and was shortly joined my Freddie.

"Why did you ever go out with her?" I asked as I pulled him down to floor so we could sit together. His hand wrapped around my waist as my head rested on his shoulder. I felt that feeling again. But not the one from _that night. _No, I could never feel that feeling with Freddie. But the feeling I was experiencing for the first time since I ran away was one that only comes when you're in love. It only happens when you're with someone you care about. It only happens when I'm with Freddie.

"I don't know." He chuckled. "When we first started going out, it was great. We got along, did fun stuff together, you know, girlfriend/boyfriend stuff." I nodded against his shoulder. "But then, after a while, she got really clingy. It got to the point where I couldn't even have friends that were girls. But then you came back and I told her I was going to hang with you, no matter what she thought. That's why she's always with us when we hang out. Trust me, if I had it my way, she wouldn't be here tonight."

"Are you guys . . ." I didn't really know how to ask this question without crossing the line.

"Over?" He asked.

I blushed. "Yeah."

"To be honest, we've kind of been over for a while." I looked up at him. "I mean, not technically. But we've been drifting and all that . . . I just want to be done with her. She was never really my type."

"Freddie, don't break up with her because we kissed. I mean, I want to be with you, just not like this -"

"No, it's not about you. I promise. I've been wanting to do this for a while, I just haven't had the motivation." He pushed a stray hair from my face, causing me to smile. "But now . . ." The rest of his words were lost. He tilted my chin up so that we were equal and kissed me. But this kiss was different. It wasn't like the innocent one we had just shared a moment ago. This one was much more passionate, much more lustful. I shifted my body so that I was practically under Freddie. As he lowered my back down to the ground, my head hit an empty Clorox bottle. We both burst out laughing, and sat up.

"I guess a bedroom is more suited for this kind of activity." I suggested.

He hesitated a bit, but nodded, helping me up onto my feet and led me to my dorm. On the way there, I couldn't help but think. Think of all the times I had wanted to do this, but couldn't. When we were together before I ran away, we were far too young. I couldn't even tell him I loved him back then. After I ran away, I thought about doing it with Derek and just pretend that he was Freddie, but I eventually came to the conclusion that that would be sick and wrong. But now it was happening for real. Maybe. I didn't even know. Maybe all he wants is to talk. Maybe all he wants is to watch reruns of Girly Cow. Actually, I wouldn't be opposed to that . . .

My thoughts were interrupted by the crashing of his lips upon mine as he kicked the door open to my room. That was so hot. I jumped into his arms, my legs straddling either side of him. With my body relying on Freddie to hold me up, Freddie stumbled back a few steps into we landed on the bed, me on top of him. His hands clawed at my back, sending pain and pleasure up my spine. I didn't really know what I was doing, and Freddie could tell. He smiled to himself.

"What's funny?" I asked, my tone suddenly serious.

"Nothing, nothing." But he continued to laugh, confirming that it was definitely not nothing. I looked at him until he answered. "It's nothing, I swear. I just love the way that you're . . . you know, inexperienced."

"And you aren't?" I asked, completely second guessing my intentions. I had just assumed Freddie was a virgin . . . wasn't he?

"Um . . ." He cleared his throat, obviously nervous.

"Oh my god!" I panicked and climbed off of him. I paced back and forth, trying to pull myself together. Ugh, I thought. Why can't he be a god damn virgin?

"Carly -"

"No, it's ok. I completely understand. You had a girlfriend for a long time and it's normal for couples to be . . . intimate." I cringed at the thought of Serra and Freddie . . . you know. "And why would you wait for me? I mean, I always thought I'd be you're first but I still shouldn't of expected you to think the same -"

"Carly -"

"But I did think the experience would be better if we were both, as you put it, 'inexperienced'. But hey! It's ok! We'll just wing it! And if it doesn't work, then how bout we just never see each other ever again. Deal?"

"Carly!" I was still pacing when he grabbed both my shoulders and stood directly in front of me. "I am."

"You are . . . what? Horny?"

He laughed a little, causing me to smile. "No, I mean I am a virgin."

I stood there, looking at him, a bit wide eyed. "Oh." He searched my face for an emotion but couldn't find one. I wasn't even absolutely sure of what I was feeling. I sat down on the edge of the bed where I was shortly joined by Freddie. "Freddie can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

"How do you not wonder what happened that night?"

He winced, not prepared for the question. "What are you talking about? I think about it all time."

"You do?"

He nodded again. "I also think about the way I treated you. I should've listened, given you a chance to explain. I'm really sorry about that. I can't stress that anymore than I already have." He leaned his head toward me so that our foreheads were touching, and noses were barely making contact. I leaned in a little more so that my lips glided past his, enough to make him want more. But we couldn't. Not before I said what I had to say.

"I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. It was a tough situation." I sighed, not completely prepared to say what I was going to say. "I want to tell you what happened."

"What? No, Carly you don't -"

"Have to?" He looked down. "I know. I want to. I just . . . I don't want you to look at me any different than the way you're looking at me now."

"I promise."

I sighed, a tear already spilling out. Damn, this was going to be hard. "Ok. So that night, Spencer wasn't able to drive me. He had to drive Socko and all of his eccentric family members to the party. I told him it wasn't a problem seeing as how the venue was only about 2, maybe 3, blocks away from Bushwell. But it was a problem. On the way there, I heard noises. They were coming from behind me, but every time I turned around, no one was there. And then . . ."

"Carly -"

"No! I need to say this now or I'm never going to get it out." He sighed, but reluctantly nodded. "I felt a hand grab my arm and before I could do anything about it I was on the ground. And . . . and . . ." I was on the verge of hyperventilating. I grabbed Freddie shoulder, not sure what else to hold. "Freddie, I was raped!" I cried, tears pouring onto his shirt. I continued to cry and cry and cry. I didn't think it was going to stop. And apparently, it was contagious because after a moment of silence, Freddie started sobbing too. We cried in each other's arms. I didn't know how long, but it was long enough for me to know that he wasn't going to abandon me or look at me any different. He was there for me, and always would be. I slowly backed away from him slightly so that I could see his face. By that point, the tears had dried up and we almost looked fine. Almost.

"I'm so sorry." Was all he could say.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't your fault." I wasn't looking at him. No matter how comfortable I was with him, there was no way I would be able to look him in the eye any time soon.

"I know, but . . ."

"But nothing. I'm fine." He glared at me. "Ok, ok. I'm not fine. But I am better. When I went to my mom's, I went to therapy. I didn't drown or suppress my feelings in anyway. I dealt with them. And that made me a stronger person."

"I really admire you for that." I smiled. "I love you, Carly. This doesn't change that."

"I love you, too." He smiled and kissed me lightly. But I didn't want light. Now I was ready. Now that there were no secrets, no Serra, or anything pushing us apart, I was ready. I pushed him down on the bed aggressively, and jumped on top of him. His hands gripped my hips and played with the bottom of my silver top, and eventually got it up over my head. The leggings were next and went flying across the room. Freddie worked on his shirt by himself as I yanked his pants off. Now all that was left was the underwear. Freddie and I had never been this close, never been this revealed. And to be honest, I felt a little uncomfortable. But the feeling had gone as quickly as it had come when Freddie looked at me. He didn't even notice that I wasn't wearing fancy lingerie. I could've been wearing granny panties and it wouldn't of made a difference. All he saw was me. He flipped me over so that I was under him, and he was supporting himself with his elbows. I felt the rest of his body make contact with mine when he leaned down and kissed me.

"You're sure?" He asked, coming up to look me in the eye.

I didn't have the breath to say anything, so I pulled him down to continue kissing me. _I love you. _

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~1 week later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

"Ok, smile!" Sam said as the iPod made a clicking sound. Freddie and I were standing under a peach tree that was in the courtyard, his arm resting on my shoulders, mine wrapped around his waist. "Ok, definitely put that one on Facebook."

"Thanks!" I took the device and slid it into my pocket. Sam was visiting from Florida for about a week. It hadn't dawned on me until she came, that I hadn't seen her since I left. But she didn't really look any different. Same blonde curls, same skater wardrobe, same witty comebacks to Freddie. But these comebacks were different. Back then they were playful, but now they were much more serious. I don't even think she meant for them to be funny anymore, just insulting. I didn't understand, but I just figured this was how it had been because they didn't have me to settle their arguments anymore. But then it hit me. A while ago, when Freddie and I had been sitting down to eat, I mentioned Sam's name and he cringed. That had to be more than a coincidence.

"Can we please go eat now?" Sam whined. I laughed. Same old Sam.

"Yeah, I guess. Where do you want to go?" I asked her as Freddie's hands came around my waist. I loved when he did that. Sam didn't.

"Ok, she is not your property! Stop holding her like she is!" I couldn't see his face, but I could tell he rolled his eyes. "Ugh, you annoy me."

"Sam."

"Sorry. Um, I want to go to . . . how about Ruby?"

"Sounds good. Freddie can drive."

"Yeah, if you want to get there in an hour. Mama is going to drive." She walked away before I had the chance to debate. I looked at Freddie, he shrugged, and we followed her, holding hands.

When we arrived, the place was barely populated. The only people I saw was an older couple sitting at a booth, a wife and husband with two sons, a couple of really obnoxious loud girls, and a group of students I noticed from campus.

"Right this way." The hostess said kindly to us. She placed us in a booth not too far from the older couple. I sat next to Freddie while Sam was across from us. She noticed our intertwined hands and cringed.

"Please, not PDA in here. I want to keep my food down thank you." The waitress, Olivia, handed us our menus. "Now what does Mama want . . ."

"Freddie wants 'Mama' to shut up."

"Look here Benson! -"

"Enough, you guys! Just stop fighting! Damn! What happened to make you guys hate each other so much?" At first it had been a rhetorical question, but when Freddie and Sam glanced at each other slightly, it wasn't a secret that something _actually _had gone on.

"I think I want to get the shrimp." Sam said, quickly changing the subject. I stared at her, but she hid behind the menu. Freddie did the same.

"I thought there were no more secrets." I told him quietly. He looked up at me with a guilty face, but I looked away. I wanted to hear what he had to say, but with me mad, I would probably just assume the worst. Like he did all those years ago. I did _not _want a repeat of that night.

"Carly -" Wow, he had been saying that a lot lately. But he didn't get to finish. He was interrupted by Sam's phone going off to the _Eye of the Tiger _ringtone.

"Sorry about that. I'll just tell whoever it is to call back later." She answered. "Hello?" I watched her as she talked. The look on her face made it clear she was not hanging up. She looked at Freddie with hopeful eyes, which made me pissed. What the hell was going on? She mouthed, _I'll be right back, _and got up to walk over to a nearby wall, far enough that I couldn't hear her, and listened intently to the mystery voice on the other line. Freddie watched her carefully as she talked, his body shaking.

"What's the matter with you?" I asked him, getting more and more aggravated.

"What?" He focused his attention on me. "Oh, nothing. I'm fine." He quickly kissed me on the cheek, trying to convince me. It didn't.

"Freddie, tell me what's going on. You and Sam have been acting weird all week. You say mean things to each other, and share these glances that gives me this sense that something is going on between the two of you!"

"Trust me there is nothing going -"

"Oh my gosh!" Sam exclaimed as she joined us back at the table. "Freddie, you'll never guess who that was!" She said a little too excitedly.

I glared at him, enough to make his uncomfortable. He swallowed and then said, "Who?"

"It was Trish!"

"Really!" He said, getting more excited, causing me to glare at him even harder.

"Who the hell is Trish?" I asked him. Well, more like demanded.

Sam looked confused. "You . . . didn't . . . you didn't tell her, did you?"

He shook his head. I didn't know if it was out of shame, guilt, or both, but whatever it was, it didn't make me any less pissed. "Look, I was going to tell you, I was, but -"

"Tell me what!"

"I'm going to, um, go . . . over there." She said and ran off, embarrassed. But I wasn't paying any attention to her. I was focused on Freddie, and his secrets.

"Ok, before I tell you this, just keep in mind that I love you. I always have. Even when you left, I loved you. I never stopped and -"

"Freddie, just tell me!"

"Carly, Sam and I . . . Sam and I slept together. And . . . we have a son, Justin. We gave him up for adoption."

Everything that I had felt was gone. All of the passion, all of the desire, all of the love. Gone. He was nothing to me. He was a lying bastard that didn't deserve anything that I had given him. I hated him. I hated everything about him.

"Carly, listen to me -"

"Get away from me, you asshole!" I got up, forcing his hands off of me. I didn't even care enough to grab my jacket or purse, I just wanted to get out and away. Far, far away.

**Like it? Love it? Hate it? Please let me know. Either no one is reading or people aren't just reviewing. Please, please, please review. I really appreiciate it :) But I am so so so so grateful to the people that do and have reviewed! Thank you! just a note: This story is probably only goign to be about 8 chapters long. It was never meant to be as long or nearly as long as _Beautiful Unraveling. _ But I'll try to make them good! Did you like the bombshells! See? I promised there would be two! :) Hope you liked them. Let me know! **


	6. It's Not Always A Happily Ever After

**Wow, it's been a long time since I've updated. And for that, I am sorry. But I'm updating right now! That counts for something, right? Cool! Hahaa so thank you for everyone who reviewed lat chapter! I will put your names in my next update! I really appreciate it :) Before you read this chapter, please read chapter 1 again for name references. Remember, Isabelle and Nicholas are Spencer and Charlotte's kids, who are married. Enjoy!**

A son. _A son. _Freddie had a – no – Freddie _has _a son. Freddie has a son _with Sam. _My best friend. My best friend since elementary school. How the hell could he do that to me? Even if I had left, that didn't give him the right. I figured Freddie would get a girlfriend after I left, as I had gotten a boyfriend, but never in my lifetime did I think he would hook up with Sam, of all people. I mean, they hated each other! They still do! Why in the hell would he date her? Then again, he didn't say they dated at all. All he said was they had a son. Not that if he had tried to explain I would've listened. Not a chance. I was gone the second those words slipped out his mouth. I wanted to be mad at Sam, I did, but for some strange reason, I didn't blame her. I knew she was to blame, atleast partly, but if anything, I wanted comfort from her like I always did. So now, sitting in my dorm room cuddled up in the fetal position in Sam's lap, I cried my last tear that I had after a whole hour. Sam continued to stroke my hair and tell me she was sorry and it was going to be ok. But I really didn't care. The only person I really wanted to listen to was Freddie. But I also wanted to see him get on the next flight to Guatemala and have that plane crash into a lagoon. But neither was going to happen.

"Carly?" Sam whispered. My eyelids had been slowly gliding down my eyes until they closed completely.

I groaned. "What?"

"It's getting kind of late."

"And?"

"And if I want to get to my hotel before it gets too dark, then I need to leave soon."

My body shot up, scooting away from hers, and glared at her. "Seriously? You're half the reason I'm crying right now and you're going to up and ditch me?" I stood up and tried to wipe the tears that were quickly coming back.

"Look, I'm sorry! I can't tell you that enough. But I really do have to -"

She didn't get to finish before someone knocked on the door. I knew it wasn't Michaela; she was visiting her sister for 2 weeks. I knew it was Freddie. It had to be. I had been ignoring his calls and texts for the past hour and it was only a matter of time before he took matters into his own hands. That had always been his way. I sighed.

"Are you going to be ok if I leave?" She asked. The knocking continued.

"No." I turned my back to her and opened the door to Freddie. He stepped in immediately, not even waiting to be invited in. I wasn't going to, anyway. Sam and Freddie stood awkwardly next to each other while I stared at both of them waiting for someone to say something.

"I'll talk to you later." Sam said to me before hugging me and starting out the door. Before she was gone, she turned to Freddie and said, "I'll, um, call you with the details for the visit." He nodded and she left.

"What do you want?" I asked him harshly.

"Ok, I understand you're mad at me. But before I explain, why are you all 'goody-goody' with Sam and I'm in the dog house?"

"Why do you think?" My voice raised and I was past yelling. I was pretty much screaming. "You had sex with my best friend and got her pregnant!"

"It wasn't like that!"

"Then what is it like?" My hand flew to my face. I refused to let him see me cry over him. He didn't deserve that.

He sat down on my bed. The bed where we shared the most intimate and most private experience of my life. At the time, I thought it was the same for him, too. But no. He gave his innocence to Sam. He gave everything to Sam. And for that, I didn't sit next to him on my bed. I just looked down on him and waited for him to start talking.

"Can I please just explain? Please?" He pleaded.

"Explain all you want. It doesn't change anything. You still slept with Sam. You still have a son. And you still lied to me."

He looked up at me with his eyes. Those eyes. Those eyes that I always melted into, even when I was mad at him. But they didn't have an effect on my now. If anything, they made me even more pissed.

"Ok, from the beginning. It . . . it was the night after you left. And I was really, really mad . . ."

* * *

><p><em><strong>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~3 years ago~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<strong>_

**Freddie's POV**

_Wow, _I thought to myself. She's really gone. I didn't think that fight was anymore than what we'd had in the past. It wasn't that big a deal, was it? I guess it was. Because she was gone. I didn't even know she was still in contact with her mother. Ugh! How could she just leave? Leave me alone, worried, scared, and . . . and angry. Why am I mad? I don't really know. Maybe it was the fact that she cheated on me? Or maybe it was the fact that she didn't even explain. Just took off. I thought I loved her. I thought we would be together forever. I know, it's crazy. We're only 15. But with Carly it doesn't even feel like that. It feels like time could go on forever when I'm with her. I just wish she felt the same.

"Fredward?" I heard my mom say from behind me. I turned my head from the TV that I wasn't really watching and saw her, wearing her nightly robe, and her hair in a tight bun.

"Yeah, mom?"

"I'm going to sleep. Please be in bed my 9:30." She blew me a kiss, left the living room, and headed back to her bedroom. I waved slightly and sighed. The last thing I wanted to do was sleep. All I wanted to do was, atleast, get in touch with Carly. Maybe she had cooled down by now and would explain to me what happened. I would probably be mad, but atleast I would have an explanation. I turned the TV off, hopped off of the couch, and headed to the Shay's apartment. When I opened my front door, the first thing I saw was blonde. She turned and it was Sam, her face and eyes red. She looked a lot like I did a couple hours ago: a wreck.

"Um, are you ok?" I asked her. Not that I really cared, but I felt it would be rude to just ignore the fact that she was crying.

"It's none of your business, fudge bag."

I should've known was going to say something like that. I shrugged and pushed past her to get to the door.

"She's not there." She told me.

"I know. But I need to talk to her. I'm going to get Spencer to give me her mom's number so that I can call her." I hesitated before knocking, and then didn't. I sighed again and turned back so I was facing Sam. Tears were still managing their way through her eyes, even though she kept constantly rubbing them away. Deep, deep, _deep _down in my gut, I felt bad for her. "Sam, what's wrong?"

It was either the fact that Carly wasn't there, or how desperate she was , but either way, she told me. "My dad found me today."

"Found you? What does that mean?" I made my way over to my door, ready to go in, but I actually wanted to know.

"When my mom had me and Melanie, he left. He didn't want anything to do with us. He came to my house today saying he wanted to be part of my life. I . . . I didn't know how to handle it so I came here. But for nothing, I guess. Carly's not even here."

I nodded. Something, I really don't know what, but something compelled me to put a hand on her shoulder and pull her in for a hug. It felt weird, 10 different types of weird, but we both needed comfort, in one way or another. She wrapped her arms around me and cried into my shoulder, stuffing my face with blonde hair. She pulled back wiping the tears and stared at me, neither of us not really sure what to say.

"Well I guess I'm going to go home."

"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow." We both nodded. I opened my door, but then turned back to her right before she started down the stairs. "Wait, Sam?"

She turned. "Yeah?"

"Um, you want to . . . . I don't know. Never mind."

"No. What were you going to say?"

"I was just going to ask if you wanted to come in and watch some TV or something."

"Yes." She didn't hesitate in answering at all. It scared me a little.

"What?"

"Yeah, I want to come in. I don't want to be alone right now." She inched forward toward me until she was about a foot away. Close enough that I could've leaned in and done many things. Many things that I was going to regret.

"Ok, come in."

* * *

><p>"I guess it's no question what happened next." At that point, I was sitting next to him, listening intently to the story. The more he got into it, the more I lost myself. The way he just <em>let her in.<em> And not just into his apartment. No. The way he just let her into his mind, all of his problems. It took us months before we shared our secrets. How could he do that? I knew he thought that explaining would make me understand this situation. It didn't. "After that, we avoided each other as much as possible. We didn't feel any different about each other. It didn't mean anything. And I think that was the problem. We were both just each other's comfort. But only for that amount of time. About 3 months after, Sam told me she took a test and it was positive. We knew we couldn't raise a child, let alone together. I didn't like her, she didn't like me, and a baby wasn't going to change that. We found a couple, Trish and David, and we gave Justin up for an open adoption. We've already visited him twice: the first time on his first birthday and the second about 9 months ago. He's 3 now."

I took a breath. He was finally done. I could finally take it all in. "I can't believe you."

"Carly, I'm so sorry. But you didn't give me much of a choice! You just left with no explanation!"

"I didn't give you a choice? You always have a choice! And you chose wrong." I felt like flinging myself on him and hitting him until he was numb. But that wouldn't solve anything. I hated myself for thinking like that. I hated violence. So much, that I couldn't stand anyone that ever got into fights. It took me years to get used to Sam. But the fact that he made me think like that really said something. He was always the one to calm me down, tell me it was ok. But not now. He wasn't the guy I thought he was.

"Please, calm down. We need to talk about -"

"About what? You said everything I needed to hear and more. What's more to talk about?" My voice was lowering and so was my temper. I was getting surprisingly calm. I thought I would be mad, well, madder than I already was. But I wasn't.

"Carly -"

"Freddie, it's getting late. I have a chemistry test in the morning." I lied. "I think you should go."

He stood up, but didn't move further than that. "Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it. I don't want to lose you."

"Freddie, you lost me the day you had sex with Sam! You lied to me. How can I trust you ever again?"

"I . . ." Now he was quiet. I guess that was our whole problem: trust. "Give me another chance, Carly. Please." He took my hands into his, like he had done a million times before. It brought me back to just a couple hours ago, where we were hugging and posing for a picture under that tree in the courtyard. Now, instead of that perfect picture, we were broken. A shattered portrait. I pulled my hands away and hid them behind my back.

"It's not always a happily ever after." I said, opening the door for him. He sighed, looked down, but reluctantly walked out but not before he grabbed my face and kissed me. His hands were warm as they stroked my cheeks. I felt my body clamp up, as it always did when he kissed me. I wanted to fall into his arms and pull him back in the room, but instead, I pushed him away, gasping. "I can't believe you just did that." I whispered in awe.

"Neither can I." He stared at me, waiting for me to pull him back inside. I was sure I was going to do it, but surprised myself when I didn't.

"Just go." Against my will, a tear escaped my eyes. I didn't even bother trying to stop it. It was probably just the first of many. "Please."

He nodded and left. I closed the door and sunk to ground, wrapping my arms around my knees and cried.

* * *

><p>"Look what I made!" Isabelle exclaimed as she shoved a colorful piece of paper into my face. She supported herself on my knees as she jumped up and down in her oversized pink tutu. Her blonde curls bounced as she did. I missed those blonde curls.<p>

"It's really pretty, Iz." I told her, referring to the what I was assuming was a dolphin that she drew. I pulled her in for a hug and then she took off running into the kitchen to show Charlotte. I smiled at her. I smiled at her enthusiasm. To everybody else, that was just a drawing. To her, it was everything. I remembered when I was that enthusiastic about anything and everything. But now, it was like everything that I touched turned to dust. How was I supposed to be excited over anything when I knew it was going to end in tragedy?

"So, why the sudden visit?" Spencer asked me, sitting next to me on the couch. He was holding a bottle of formula that Nicholas was sipping from before he fell asleep in the other room.

"I just needed to clear my head. This is the best place to do that." I didn't look at him in the eye. Instead, I stared at the stain that was on my pants from earlier when Isabelle spilt her milk on me. That was the least of my problems.

"Tests?" He asked.

"No, more like personal drama." I finally looked at him. "It's nothing, really."

"Carly, I -"

"Daddy! Daddy! Look what I drew!" Isabelle came flying past me into Spencer's lap where he took her in her arms.

"This is fantastic, sweetie, You're going to grow up and be just like me, aren't you?" He kissed her cheek.

"I hope so!" She exclaimed. I smiled at both of them before getting up and going towards the window. It was a strangely beautiful day. Birds were still chirping at 7 o'clock at night and the sun had yet to go down. Earlier today I was going to ask Sam if she would want to go watch the sunset with me, seeing as how we used to always do that when we were younger. But everything had changed. Sam had changed. Freddie had changed. _I _had changed. I didn't know how anything would ever be the same again, probably because it wouldn't. Nothing was going to be the same. Freddie has a son, Sam had lied to me, and I was alone. Maybe that was how it was meant to be. But it sucked.

**Aww, poor Carly! Hopefully, things will get better for her! Just a note, this chapter is like, I think, the second to last chapter of this story. There's one more chapter before the last one. But they will be great!:) Let me know what you think in your reviews! Thanks guys! :)**

**Oh, and btw, did anyone catch the episode iApril Fools last night? That was epic! Loved the Freddie and Carly kids thing! And the reference to iSYL! That was great!**


	7. Forgive Me

**Ok, so mega big chapter here for you guys today. Without this author's note it's 5,800 words. Dang! I must really love you guys :) Thank you to CatHeartsU, unknown, SirRay, alicat5797, OhhOhh, annon, sad, Azreah, PD31, mrmuscle, Paramoreprincess, Unknown, and azie! Thank you to all of my lovely reviewers! You guys give me the motivation to keep writing. Ok, just a heads up, I guess you could say there is a bit of Seddie in this, but not really. It depends on how you look at it. I'm not a Seddie fan so I wouldn't put anything in here to be intentional Seddie (except for last chapter, where it was necessary :)). So please enjoy this chapter!**

"What am I supposed to do with this?" I asked Spencer, who was busy trying to force a doorknob in between half of a surfboard and a used laptop. He had told me his vision of what he had planned to do with all of this junk once, but I soon forgot after we had gotten started. No matter how weird or odd Spencer was, it gave me a sort of warming sensation inside. It was nice that some things never changed. "Um, hello?"

"What?" Spencer finally responded, giving up on the doorknob. I held up the heart shaped piece of stain glass that was in my hand. "Oh. That goes right under the Pear Pod." He took it from me and shoved it uncomfortably so that it fit. I shrugged and went on to the next piece of junk in the pile.

It had been almost two weeks, and trust me, I was counting, since the huge blowout with Freddie. We hadn't talked. He'd tried to get in contact with me in every possible way: calls, texts, emails, IM's, and even a couple letters that slid under my door. But even though I was mad at him, I couldn't resist but read those texts and emails and letters. I really wanted to hear his voice. But I was contradicting myself. I didn't want to talk to him, and yet I was desperate for the flow of words to pour out of his mouth. Oh and _his mouth. _It had been weeks since I kissed him. I remembered when I was in California, I used to just dream of his lips making the slightest bit of contact with mine, just enough to know that he loved me. I had missed him so much. But now, it was a different kind of 'miss'. I missed his words, his voice, his soul. But, there was a part of me that knew if I got all of that, I would also get the stuff that I didn't miss about him. Like the lies and the secrets. It was like I only wanted part of him. But I didn't get a choice. It was either take him, or leave him. And there was much less consequences if I just left him. So I did.

"Spencer, we've been working on this for atleast 2 hours. Can we please take a break?" I pleaded.

"Not yet. We still need to spray paint the golf club."

"What is this even supposed to be?"

"I already told you. It's supposed to be a modern interpretation of the technology in use today and how it's corrupting society." I stared at him, blankly. "Just shove the doorknob in there!"

I chuckled a bit, but then stopped, as if I forgot I wasn't supposed to be happy. I had been spending as much time as I could over at Spencer's, helping him with whatever was necessary. Even if it was helping him build an elaborate sculpture that would probably end up in the trash the next day. But I didn't care.

"Ok, I'm done." I said, taking my building gloves off and headed towards the fridge.

"Carly! If we don't finish by 7 then we won't be able to get it to the gallery tomorrow!" He whined.

"What gallery?"

"You know . . . the one that . . . has sculptures and what not . . ."

"Spencer, if you don't have anywhere to put this, why are you even building it?"

He sighed, then motioned for me to sit down at the table with him. _Great, _I thought. One of his talks. It's not so much that I didn't like them, but just most of the time he didn't really know what he was saying. "I know you've been sad."

I swallowed.

"I thought that maybe this would cheer you up. You know, spending some time with your big bro!" He elbowed me playfully with his elbow. I smirked slightly, but not enough to convince him that I was ok. "Look, I just thought that maybe this would –"

"Daddy!" I heard a loud squealing voice come from behind us. Isabelle came running up to Spencer, but ran into me in the process. She jumped up in Spencer's arms and started crying. And when I say crying, I mean more on the lines of screaming, wailing, or outright yelling. I ran my hand up and down her back, attempting to soothe her, but all that did was increase the screaming by a couple of octaves. I sat back against my chair and sighed. Yeah, this is making me feel so much better. A couple minutes later, Charlotte appeared in the room with a small stuffed pig animal and handed it to her. Apparently, Isabelle had gotten mad over tha fact that her bear, Dr. Brown Butt, refused to invite her unicorn, Sparkle Pants, to the tea party. So, Charlotte thought that maybe Mr. Pig would be a good replacement. She immediately perked up, hopped off of Spencer's lap, and followed her mom back into the playroom. Spencer laughed, finding the whole situation amusing, whereas I found it all out annoying. Spencer dealt with little meltdowns like this every single day with her. It made me wonder how Freddie and Sam would deal with it. _Ugh, _I thought. I had been trying my hardest not to think about them as _parents. _It didn't really feel right. It's like I could say it, but the words felt sour on my tongue. I shivered a bit, but tried to stay calm. I didn't need Spencer worried about me anymore than he always was.

"So," Spencer said, snapping me back to reality, "sorry about that. She's only five."

I nodded, not really knowing what else to say. I guess he didn't either because he got up and headed back to his sculpture. I laid down and closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry.

"It's already 6:30?" Spencer asked, to himself I was assuming. "That means it time for Izzy's bottle." He rummaged through the mess that he called a cabinet and tried to find a sippy cup but kept groaning. "Dang it. Where is it?" I heard another groan but then a snap. "It's at Ms. Benson's house!" He exclaimed.

"Why?" I asked, my eyes till closed.

"'Cause I gave it to her when she was babysitting Izzy the other day. I'll be right -" He started to say, but was interrupted by another high pitched scream coming from the playroom. He started to leave anyway, assuming Charlotte would get it, but was mistaken when she said,

"I'm in the bathroom!" Spencer heard her faintly.

"Ugh!" Spencer groaned . . . again. "I'll be right there Izzy." He turned towards me, with my eyes now open, staring back at him. "Can you please do me a favor and get the sippy cup. I'd really appreciate it."

I sat up. "Sure." I said without thinking.

"Thanks." And then he left to go soothe his crying daughter. As I was heading for the door, the crying increased but not from Izzy. This cry was higher and squeakier. Nicholas, I thought. I shook my head, feeling sorry for what Spencer was going to have to do to get both of them to stop crying by himself. I closed the door behind me as I made my away across the hall to Ms. Benson's apartment. It had been so long since I'd been in that place. Memories flooded over me as I stared at that door. I remembered whenever I had to say goodnight to Freddie, he would always stand with his back against the door as he pulled me closer for a goodnight kiss. I had tried to so hard not to let go of him because I knew I wouldn't see him for atleast another eight hours, and that was hard. But eventually I had to let go and leave. I just didn't know that I would actually leave for good.

My hand hesitated at the door. I wanted to knock, but I didn't at the same time. But I didn't even get a chance to. The door swung open and Freddie stepped out quickly, but stopped when he saw me. He gasped a little but closed him mouth almost immediately. He had a suitcase with an overnight bag attached to it in his hand, the other still holding the doorknob. We just stared at each other, not really knowing what to say. He started.

"Hey." I looked at him. If he expected me to say hey back then he was just outright stupid. "Um, what's up?"

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, refusing to answer his question.

"I, um, had to get some things. What are you doing here?" He moved the suitcase forward as he stepped closer to me and closed the door behind him. I suddenly remembered why I came here in the first place.

"Izzy needs her sippy cup." I told him.

"Oh, I'll get it."

"No, that's -" But I didn't get a chance to argue with him. He was already in and out of his apartment with the cup.

"Thanks." I didn't move. It kind of felt like those nights when I didn't want to go but I had to. I didn't want to leave him quite yet. "What's with the bags?"

He looked down at them, almost as if he had forgotten he had them. "Oh, the bags. Yeah, well, I, uh . . ."

"Fine. You don't have to tell me. It's not my business anyway." I turned back to my door, but felt that hand. That hand that had touched my so many times. That hand that I felt the most comfortable with. I turned back to face him and his eyes were so big, so desperate, that I couldn't help but step closer to him and ready myself to listen.

"Sam and I . . ." He hesitated. "Sam and I are going to visit Justin tomorrow." His hand trailed down from where he had grabbed my arm to the palm of my hand. It tickled in that giddy kind of feeling you get when you really like someone and you can't wait for them to just make that first move. I sucked in a breath and moved my hand away. That last thing I needed was to have all of these feelings come back up and make me want him again. _Hell, _I thought. Like that wasn't going to happen.

"Oh." I said. I stepped back so that I felt the coolness of my door against my back, which was sweating with nervousness. "Have fun."

He nodded. "I was actually wondering if . . . if you wanted to come with us. When I told Sam about it she said it would be cool too. And David and Trish aren't opposed to visitors and it would be really cool if you met Justin. I'm sure he'll love you. I mean, he's my son. I'm sure he has great taste just like his dad." He smirked.

_Sam . . . David and Trish . . . love . . . son . . . dad. _All of those words stuck out to me while he talked. He said them so nonchalantly, like he had said them a million times. He probably had, I had just never heard him. "No."

He was taken back with my tone: cold. I didn't put any emotion into it at all, I just said it. "Oh, um, alright." He grabbed his bag again and started down the stairs to the lobby. "In case you change your mind, we're not leaving until 2 tomorrow at the campus." And then he was gone. I sighed and stood at his apartment door. I gently pressed my hand against the solid oak. It was warm. Not like my door. My door was cool, almost cold. But his was relaxing and welcoming. I could see him in my mind: fifteen year old Freddie leaning up against the door, kissing me goodnight. It was almost real. I closed my eyes and locked my mind down on that memory, then sighed again. I opened my eyes and went back into my own apartment.

"Spencer, I have the cup."

**The next day**

"Pass the milk please." I said to Charlotte, who was holding Izzy in her lap and attempting to give Nicholas a bottle while he was in his cradle on the floor. I guess she didn't hear me, or chose to ignore me, because she proceeded with fidgeting with Nick and Izzy. I grabbed the milk from the other side of the table and poured more of it into my cereal, which was a waste since I really wasn't going to eat it. I just needed something to keep me busy. I swished the Cocoa Puffs around in the bowl until the milk turned brown.

"Why are you not eating, Auntie Carly?" Izzy asked me. Her blonde hair fell over her face and I could faintly see her brown eyes. They were huge, just staring at me. I had always found that combination beautiful on her: blonde hair, brown eyes. I smiled at her.

"I'm just not all that hungry, sweetie." I got up and poured it down the sink and headed upstairs. The clock read 12: 18 when I got up to my room. Next to the clock was a picture of me and Freddie. I never bothered to take it down. I wasn't over at the apartment enough to even notice that it was still there. But I had been spending a lot more time over here now because the only person I really wanted to hang out with at school was also the one person that I had so much anger towards. The picture stared back at me as if it wanted me to see it. It was of me and him at the school dance. We had won prince and princess. I was wearing a black lace dress, but appropriate enough for a high school dance, and Freddie was wearing a white button down shirt covered with a gray vest and black dress pants. That had been a great night, I thought. But then it occurred to me: that was 2 weeks before I had left. We had been so happy, so in love. And then one thing, _one thing, _happened and then it was all gone. All gone in one night. It wasn't really any different than the situation we were in right now. We were happy, we were in love. Then he had a son. That was that _one thing_ that happened. Now, we were ruined. We were gone. How was that fair? I thought. How is it fair that after all that we had gone through, it was just over? I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the thoughts but they came back anyway. It wasn't fair, I concluded. And with that, my decision was made.

The next thing I knew, I was getting dressed. I threw on some skinny jeans, a hoodie, and some flip flops and headed out. I took a cab to the campus, but of course, there was damn traffic. I looked at my cell phone: 1:03. Ok, don't panic I told myself. I still had time. But the time quickly flew by while I was in that cab. By the time we were pulling up to campus it was already 1:57. I figured they had left by now. I didn't know anyone who actually left at the exact time they said they would. Why would he wait for me anyways? I thought. I paid the driver and headed to his dorm. Of course, he wasn't there.

"Um, excuse me?" I tapped on the guy's shoulder. He was entering his dorm, or what I assumed was his dorm, but turned around to face me. "Do you know Freddie Benson?"

"Yeah, I do. Who's asking?"

"I'm Carly."

His eyes widened. "Oh, shit." He said. I stared at him bewildered. "You're . . . her."

"Excuse me?" I said to him, in a somewhat offended tone.

"No, no. I didn't mean to sound rude. He just talks about you a lot. I've never met you before." I kept staring at him. "I just heard around campus that you dumped his ass." I was still staring at him. "Sorry. Um, are you looking for him or something?"

"Yeah."

"I saw him a couple minutes ago. He was walking towards the parking lot with some blonde." He said. He was still studying me, probably trying to figure out if I was the bitch everyone had made me out to be. I hadn't been on campus enough to hear what they had been saying about me, but Michaela gave me daily updates on what she had heard, and so far, they hadn't been good.

"Thanks." I ran towards the parking lot. 2:01 my phone read. _Crap. _I walked around the lot a little more but couldn't see a blonde or a brunette or his blue BMW. I leaned up against a silver Volkswagen and buried my face in my hands. It was too late. I didn't get to tell him. He thought my answer was no, a cold, emotionless no. But it wasn't. I wanted to tell him yes. To anything. To everything. Yes, I would come with him to the visit. Yes, I would hear him out and listen. Yes, I would forgive him.

"Carly?" I felt someone's hands pry my fingers off my face. Sam was right in front of me.

"Sam!" I wrapped my arms around her neck, pushing her into the middle of the parking lot. I didn't let go until a car repeatedly beeped at us by a girl trying to get by. Sam pulled me to the side.

"What were you doing?" She asked.

"Sorry." I told her, not exactly sure of what I was apologizing for. "I just thought I wasn't going to be able to catch up with you guys. I want to go."

It took a while for her to comprehend what I was saying, but she eventually caught up. "Oh, cool! That's awesome! I'll make room for you in the car." I followed her to the white, beat up Honda that we were standing behind. She pushed over an orange suit case so that it was on top of a brown one, which I recognized as Freddie's. _Freddie, _I thought.

"Where's Freddie?" I asked her while she was still reorganizing the bags.

"Right here." I turned, startled. He was carrying a small jacket, a jacket that was probably meant for a baby. Oh, right, I thought. "I had to get this. It's a present for Justin." I nodded. "Are you coming?"

"Yeah."

**2 hours later**

"I love this song!" Sam exclaimed. She turned up the volume so that "That's what makes you beautiful" was on full blast. She sang the song loud enough that you couldn't even hear One Direction. I smiled a little at her. From the back seat, I couldn't see Freddie's face, but I could see his head bob up and down. He hadn't said a single word the whole entire ride. I thought maybe he was nervous to see Justin, but if Sam was perfectly fine, I figured he probably was too. So what was wrong? He wanted me to come, didn't he? I tapped his shoulder and he immediately turned around. His face wasn't even inches away from mine with me leaning so close to his seat. Sam was preoccupied singing that she didn't even notice us.

"Are you ok?" I asked. I tried to steady my breathing. With him so close, I didn't want him to know how I was really feeling: terrified, mostly of rejection.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He didn't say anything else. I nodded and sat back. I guess that was all I was going to get. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. But then I heard a yell from Sam, something like "Get your feet out of my face!" and then I felt a presence close to me. I opened my eyes and Freddie had just finished climbing over the seat to get to the back. He flopped himself down next to me and buckled the seat belt. "I'm happy you came." He said to me after he got himself situated.

"I want you to know that . . ." What should I say? I asked myself. What did I want him to know? I knew the answer to that question. I wanted him to know that I loved him and I had forgiven him for what he did. He lied to me, yes. And that was always going to burn inside of me. But everybody makes mistakes. I didn't tell him about my rape. I had let that secret simmer until I wasn't able to hold it any longer. He did the same. Did that make it ok? I really didn't know. All I knew is that I needed him, I wanted him. So, with that conclusion in my head, I scooted as close as I could to him with the restrictions of my seatbelt, leaned in close to his face, and kissed him. I didn't do anything with my hands, just kept the on my lap. I felt his tongue gently glide against my bottom lip. I smiled against his mouth. _Thank you. _

"Alright!" I jerked back from Freddie, catching my breath, at the sound of Sam's shout out. Freddie laughed, the first time I'd seen him laugh in days. "Thank God you guys are back together! I couldn't stand the damn sexual tension between you two. It was disgusting." She said. I laughed along with Freddie and rested my head on his shoulder. His hand came down behind my back and wrapped around my waist. He kissed my forehead and whispered,

"I'm so sorry. For everything." _For everything _he said. And I knew he meant it. "I love you." He whispered it so quietly that with the loud music playing, we were the only two people in the whole entire world that heard it. And I was perfectly ok with that. I looked up at him as he looked at me and I saw him. I actually saw _him. _All of everything he had to offer; his heart, his soul, his understanding . . . his love. And I wanted all of it. I smiled at him.

"I know you are. And I know you do." I turned my head back down. His hand that was around my waist squeezed my hip slightly that sent a twinge of desire through my entire body. He could always make me want him.

"We're almost there." Sam told us. We had pulled onto a street off of the main road. The houses were made of mostly brown and tan bricks, all of the yards had very green grass, and some of them had basketball hoops in the driveways. I detached myself from Freddie to look out the window. The neighborhood looked like one of those picture perfect towns you would see on a cover of a magazine. There were kids on their bikes and a couple of moms sitting at a table under a tree, watching their children as they discussed various things. No wonder Sam and Freddie chose this place. It seemed as if it had much more to offer than Bushwell or Sam's trailer.

After taking a few left turns and then a right, we pulled into one of the house's driveway. There was already a blue minivan parked in the open garage, so Sam pulled up right behind it.

"Alright," She said as she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car, as both Freddie and I did as well. "Don't be nervous. I already told David and Trish that you were coming. They are super nice. As for Justin, the last time we saw him he was a bit of a hyper ball." She laughed at the thought of her son. "So now that he is three, I'm assuming he's going to be just that . . . times 10."

I nodded. "Ok. He shouldn't be any worse than Izzy. I'll be fine."

"Ok, let's do this!"

Freddie grabbed my hand and we followed Sam up the steps and to the door. She rang the doorbell once then knocked twice. I could just see the excitement all over her. She glanced back at Freddie who was smiling as well. The door opened to a tall, blonde woman. She was wearing some faded boot cut jeans, sandals, and a pink button down top. Her hair was in a messy bun and I could see her tips were dyed brown. Her green eyes widened as she saw Sam first. "Oh my goodness! Look at you! You're so beautiful!" She pulled Sam in for a hug and she gladly accepted. Still holding Sam, she said, "And look at you, handsome boy! Come here!" She opened her available arm to him and he stepped right into her hug.

"It's good to see you, Trish." Freddie said, stepping back. "This is Carly."

"Hi, sweetie. I'm Trish." I expected her to offer a hand for me to shake, seeing as how we didn't know each other, but was surprised when she pulled me in for a hug. "I've heard so much about you." She said into me ear.

"Really?" I asked, worried.

"Good things, baby!" As she said this, I noticed the faint country accent she had. I smiled at her, and stepped back. "So," she turned to Sam, "how was the trip?"

"Long." Sam groaned.

"Hungry?" Trish asked all of us.

"Starving!" Sam exclaimed.

"Well, great! David is in the back cookin' some hamburgers and hot dogs. They should be done in about -" She started to say but was interrupted.

"Vroom! Vroom!" The little boy exclaimed as he ran, well, more like wobbled, into the room with a car in his hand. He was running towards Trish and then, when he got to her, he stopped for a moment, then shoved the car into her leg. "Boom!" He shouted, then laughed. I didn't even have to look at him for two seconds to know he was Sam and Freddie's kid. His eyes were so big and brown like Freddie's. His hair was blonde, and a bit curly at the ends. He was wearing a blue striped shirt and khaki shorts. I knew Sam hated stripes, but I also knew she would love them on him. His lips were pink and wet and parted slightly when he looked at me. Then, he looked at Sam and Freddie and smiled. "Hi!" He wailed his little fist into the air, attempting to wave. Trish picked him up and carried him on her hip.

"Hi, baby!" Sam cooed. I had never heard her talk like that before. It was different, but in a good way.

"Come in, you guys!" Trish gestured her free hand inside and we all came in. Trish handed Justin over to Sam who hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. "Do you remember her? What's her name, Justin?" Trish asked him.

"Sa!" He said. He stuffed his fist into his mouth and laughed. Sam looked at him and laughed. I saw her lean into his ear and whisper something. Something along the lines of 'I love you' or 'I missed you'. But I couldn't hear it. But that's how it was supposed to be. It was like that moment Freddie and I had had in the car; it was only for them two to hear.

"He's having a little trouble with m's these days. The only word he can say with an m is 'mama'." She explained. Sam nodded. Trish looked over at Justin again and asked, "What's his name?" She pointed to Freddie.

"Reddie!" Freddie laughed. He walked over to Sam and took Justin out of her arms. He turned him in his arms and blew on his stomach, causing Justin to laugh hysterically. He then hugged him close and kissed him on his cheek, like Sam had done. I had seen him with Izzy a bunch of times, but he had never held her like that. I smiled at them two.

"Food is ready." A man, David I was assuming, walked in, kissed Trish, and hugged both Sam and Freddie. "It's been a while guys. Good to have you back." His voice was deep, but he seemed like a big teddy bear. "Hi, I'm David. Carly, right?"

"Yeah, hi." I shook his hand and he smiled. "The food smells great."

"I hope it's good." He told me.

"I'll be the judge of that." Sam said and headed out to the backyard, where the food was being served. Trish rolled her eyes and followed her, her hand intertwined with David's. Freddie was now on the ground, Justin in his lap, and was talking to him, with a book in his hand.

I sat next to him. "What's that color?" He asked him, pointing to a picture of a purple bird. I glanced at the cover of the book: Colors!

"Burble." Justin took the book from Freddie and turned the page. Freddie just looked at him, fascinated by his son.

"He looks a lot like you." I said to him.

"He looks more like Sam." He looked at me. "But yeah, I guess he does."

I nodded.

"Thanks for coming. It means a lot to me." Justin wiggled around in Freddie's arms until he was standing up and was in front of me.

"What's you name?" He asked. He had his hands on my shoulders and was leaning up against me. His nose was just slightly touching mine.

I laughed. "My name is Carly." I pinched his nose. "What is your name?"

"I Justin!" He jumped up and down until he fell into my lap. I leaned down and kissed his forehead. He smelled of Trish's perfume and baby soap. I let my face linger next to his for a few seconds and then pulled back to look at Freddie, who was admiring both of us.

"You're good with him."

"Practice." I laid one of my hands on top of his, while the other stroked Justin's hair, who was slowly falling asleep in my lap. "Do you want to go eat?"

"I'm not hungry." He scooted closer until he was close enough that I didn't even have to lean in to kiss him. It could've just happened. And it did. I didn't want to move with Justin in my lap, but that twinge of desire came rushing back to me. I ran my free hand over and through his hair. His hand found my back and stroked up and down, something he did whenever we were kissing. I drew back, suddenly aware of where I was and what I was doing. I smiled a bit.

"We should probably get outside." I suggested.

"Yeah. Sam probably wants to spend time with him." He looked down at Justin who was lying comfortably in my lap, sleeping. I ran my hand through his curly, blonde hair and carefully lifted him up as Freddie and I made our way outside.

**At Seattle University**

"So exhausted." I exclaimed as I flopped myself down on Freddie's bed. We had stayed down there for 3 days and had just gotten back. But those 3 days were well spent. I got to see a whole new side of both Sam and Freddie. Sam had always been this strong, guarded girl who never let anyone see her soft side. But when she was with Justin, that all changed. She wasn't frowning the entire trip, didn't throw any witty remarks towards Freddie, and she didn't even threaten anybody . . . at all. Freddie was different though. I knew he was sweet and caring, but it didn't occur to me _how _sweet and caring he was. He talked to, and about, Justin in the only way he knew how: love. I admired that about both of them. They were great parents.

Freddie laid down next to me as he took off his shirt. I glanced at him, but his eyes were closed. I turned my body so that I was on top of him, but he kept his eyes shut. Lightly, I kissed his chin and made my way up to his cheek, then over to his nose, and then finally his lips, when he finally opened his eyes. His arms suddenly grabbed a hold of me, as if his life depended on my body covering all of his. He flipped us over, so that he was on top, but stopped kissing me. I didn't want him to stop. I pulled him down again, but he resisted.

"Thank you."

"For?"

"Coming with me. But mostly for forgiving me." A strand of his hair fell across his face, and I wanted nothing more than to push it away, but my hands were pinned by his body.

"Of course I forgave you. You forgave me. I love you, Freddie." I wedged my hands out of underneath him and cupped his face, then pulled him down to me once again. His hands traveled down my body, from my face to my waist, and started with my belt buckle, but a loud noise cut the silence. Freddie, startled, jumped off of me. I laughed at his sudden awareness but pulled out my phone to show him it was just ringing. He sighed.

I pressed _send. _"Hello?" I hadn't even looked at the caller I.D.

"Hi, baby!" I recognized the voice as my mom's.

"Hi, mom. What's going on?"

I heard her sigh and when she spoke again, he tone changed drastically. "Oh, baby. I have wonderful news." But with her voice sounding like it did, it didn't sound wonderful.

"What is it?" Freddie looked at me, concerned.

"We found him."

"What? Found who?"

"Your . . . rapist." Her voice cracked at the word. "We found him, honey. He's going to jail."

Heart skipped a beat. _Rapist . . . jail . . . rapist . . . jail. _I said the words over and over again in my head, trying to believe them. The phone dropped to the floor and I sank onto the bed. Freddie was asking so many questions, even picked up the phone and started asking my mom questions. But I couldn't even hear the words coming out of his mouth. Everything was spinning, or maybe it was just me. But whatever it was, it felt good. Like . . . like I was finally free. Like I could finally move on. Like I had finally fallen.

**Hoped you liked it! The next chapter is the last one :( But atleast we know that good things will be in it, right? So yay! And more good news! I may, possibly, do that sequel to Beautiful Unraveling. MAYBE! I need a plot, and a good one. So let me know what you think. Thanks guys! :)**


	8. Finally Fallen

**Omg! Last chapter! This journey has been great. It's been so fun to explore a whole new side of these characters other than the sides we see in the show and in my other story. I have had a blast writing it and I hope you've enjoyed reading it. I think I'm going to write an epilogue chapter but ONLY of I get atleast . . . 4 reviews. That sounds fair :) So tell me what you think! Thank you to azie, Sir Ray, and PD31 for reviewing last chapter! I really appreciate the support guys! So enjoy the last offical chapter of Then and Now! Oh and P.S., I have a new poll up so, info at the bottom of chapter. ENJOY!**

"Ugh. Sorry." I said to Freddie as I bumped into him, again, as I was pacing, well, more like running, back and forth across my dorm room. I was packing to go home. _Home. _It was such a general term, but it had so many meanings. Home – a place of residence. Home - an institution for the ill or homeless. Now that I was thinking about it, I didn't really know what home was. I had always associated home with Seattle, the place where I grew up. But lately, it hadn't felt like much of a home. It had been the place where Freddie and I had broken up, he had slept with Sam, and lied to me, about numerous things. My mom's house was home for a while, but now that I was gone, what was it? It was just a place where she lived now, alone. And I was here, in a dorm, which was certainly not home. I mean, with the amount of time Freddie and I had spent in it, making, ahem, memories of our own, I could've considered it home. But it wasn't. I didn't know what was home these days. But I did know that I was freaking out. Freddie kept telling me it was okay and that I would be fine but I didn't believe him. I mean, how could I? After 3 years of torturous curiosity on where my rapist had been and when he would get caught, I finally found out. I had always thought that I would feel better or have some kind of relief. At first I did, like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, but now I just felt scared and unsure of myself. All of the questions that arose 3 years ago had all came back to me: "Why me, of all people?" and "Who the hell was he?" and "What did he want with me?" Those questions weren't going to get answered by sitting around doing nothing. So, I was packing to go visit my mom for the first time since the start of college. It wasn't the best of situations, but I needed to see her and she had answers.

"Carly." Freddie said sternly.

"What?" I answered back harshly. He took the jeans that I had in my hands and laid them in the suitcase for me and then grabbed my shoulders, stopping my pacing once and for all. I sighed, but gave in and leaned into him. He smelled of Axe, his signature scent.

"We don't have to go." He told me, hugging me tighter.

"I want to."

"Why? It's just going to make you more upset." I looked at him, questionably. "When you find out who he is and why he did it to you, it's probably going to trigger some hidden feelings. Anger, I mean."

"How do you know?"

"I'm minoring in psychology, remember?" He smiled at me. I smiled back.

"I know you're right, to an extent. I know it's going to make me mad, but it's also going to give me a sense of . . . of . . ."

"Relief." He finished for me.

"Exactly." I took his hand into mine and placed it on my hip. He took the hint and pulled me in. His lips tasted of the mint gum he had been chewing earlier. I smiled against his mouth. His hand trailed up from my hip to my cheek, pulling my face in further. He paced back a few steps until his heel hit the bed, causing him to fall back, with me on top of him. The feeling of passion was apparent, on both sides. Freddie groaned low in his throat as his grip on my hip became stronger. When I parted my lips, a small weep of desire escaped my mouth. I wrapped my legs around his body as we sat up on the bed. With me on top of him like that, it was going to be hard to tell him that we needed to stop. I pulled back slightly, just enough so that I could talk. Our noses were still touching.

"We need to go to sleep so we can wake up for 6." He nodded. I kissed him one more time them hopped off of him to finish packing. He took his shirt off first, followed by his pants. I tried my best to concentrate on packing, but his 6 pack and lack of coverage was making it difficult. I closed my bag, changed into some Soffe shorts and a tank top, and settled in bed next to Freddie. His eyes were already closed but when I slid in next to him, his body glided over closer to mine and took me in. I rested my head on his shoulder. It wasn't every day we had a chance like this. Either Michaela was always over here eyeing us, or one of Freddie's obnoxious roommates were already in his bed banging _another _chick. So tonight, I laid there with my boyfriend, waiting for tomorrow to come, waiting for answers.

**The next day**

"So how is it being back?" I asked Sam, holding up the phone with my one free hand. I was attempting to open a Nature Valley bar with the other one. Freddie, noticing my struggle, grabbed it and opened it for me, all while driving the car. I smiled at him and took a bite from it.

"Eh, it's alright. I miss you guys, though. Well, not so much _him._"

"I get it." I glanced at Freddie, but he didn't seem to notice.

"So . . . um, listen. I'm sorry for . . . you know, what happened to you." I had fessed up to Sam when my mom had called her to tell her the "good news", assuming she had already known. She hadn't. The only person, besides my mom, that I had told was Freddie. I hadn't even told Spencer. That time was coming, I knew, but I wasn't ready. Maybe when I knew more about it myself, then I'd be able to explain to him.

"It's okay. It's not like it's your fault." I sucked in a breath. "It's nobody's fault but my own."

Freddie's head immediately turned to glare at me. I tried my best to look out my own window. "What are you talking about?" Sam asked harshly.

"It's my fault. If I hadn't been so stupid, then maybe -"

"Shut up."

"Excuse me?" I asked, offended.

"How in the hell would this be your fault? You had no control over any of it."

"Well, once I get more answers I'll find out for sure. Look, I have to go. We have a long drive ahead and I'm really tired. I'll call you later?"

She sighed. I could tell, just by her tone, that she was rolling her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. I'll talk to you later."

I half smiled but didn't say anything else. When I hung up the phone Freddie was still managing to stare at me while driving the car. "What?" I said, not looking at him.

"You don't really think that this was your fault. Do you?"

I looked up, at him, into his eyes. My hands flew to my face, quickly wiping away the tears that escaped. "I don't know." I lied. I blamed myself fully for the situation. I mean, how could it not be my fault? I was the one who decided to walk by myself. I was the one who decided to investigate when I heard a sound in the bushes. _I was the one._

Freddie let out a sigh, but then focused back on the road. I knew he thought I was an idiot for letting myself think that it was my fault. But I couldn't help it. Who else could I blame it on? It had to be someone's fault and I was the number one suspect, so why not mine? The rest of the ride was extremely awkward. I felt like he was staring at me the entire time. Well, more like glaring. Whenever I shifted in my seat, I could hear a low groan in his throat, as if the sound of leather and my jeans colliding was aggravating to him. When we stopped to get gas, he would slam the door, take forever filling the car up, and then back in, not speaking a word to me. I tried to make conversation, but he always shut it down. I even tried talking about the weather, but apparently he already knew the forecast for the next week. Anytime that I tried turning the radio on, he immediately turned it off, claiming he didn't like the songs. When we finally stopped for dinner, I insisted we go sit down, instead of going through the drive through. He protested, but in the end, I won. Atleast sometimes I could.

"Can I have a . . . number ten?" I asked the cashier.

She rolled her eyes. "The meal?" I nodded. "Is that it?"

Freddie stepped up. "A number 6. The meal."

"It'll be right out." She handed us two cups and called the couple up from behind us. Freddie took my cup and went over to fill them up as I found us a table. I re-glossed my lips, thinking that maybe it would get me some attention from Freddie. Not that it mattered anyway. Freddie had never been one to go for looks. He liked a girl with personality. I guess he liked mine. But what he hated was when girls (or anyone for that matter) didn't tell him what was going on with them. I remembered when he would always poke me (playfully) when I was upset until I would fess up. He just wanted me to be happy again. And that's exactly what he wanted now.

When he got back he didn't speak. _Great, _I thought. Now I have to start. "So, what did you order?"

"Chicken sandwich." He kept glancing around the Chic-fil-a, a couple people catching his eye and making him want to look a little longer (a little girl and boy chasing each other) but he eventually moved on and looked around the restaurant a little more.

"Can you look at me please?" He did. "Why are you so mad?"

"I'm not . . . it's just I don't like when you do that. You know that you can tell me anything, right? I actually prefer it if you do. You know, tell me stuff."

I looked down at my Sprite, stirring it with my straw, willing myself not to break down in a restaurant. On normal circumstances, I wouldn't. But the topic was such a touchy one it was hard to stay sane. "I know that. It's just that sometimes I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"'Cause it's embarrassing! Openly discussing my _rape _wasn't exactly on my Christmas list this year."

"I know it's embarrassing with some people. But not with me. I'll be there for you no matter what."

"You say that now."

"You're kidding me, right?"

"Why would I -"

"Customer 267!" The cashier yelled throughout the place. Freddie angrily pushed his chair away and went to retrieve our food. When he got back, he took the food off of the tray and set it on the table. While he was doing this I studied him. Over the years that we had known each other, I gathered a few things about him. For instance, when he got mad, his brow was always furrowed and he would inch his eyebrow up more every time he got more upset. It used to make me laugh, but when he did it to me, it kind of made me sad. He rarely got mad at me, but when he did, it made me feel excluded, as if he didn't want me in anymore. That was the worst feeling in the world.

"Are you . . . ever going to talk to me again?" I asked, half joking but mostly serious.

"I'm eating." He stuffed the chicken sandwich into his mouth, disabling him from talking any further. I sighed and then started picking at my chicken nuggets but didn't plan on eating any of them, I just needed something to do. He looked up at me for a moment, sort of sympathetically, but went back to eating. When we got back into the car, I leaned my head up against the window which was cold due to the rain that was pouring on the outside of it.

"The, um, hotel we're staying at is about an hour away." He told me. I nodded, facing away from him. "Carly, I -"

"Don't, okay? Just don't."

**At the hotel**

When the light switched on, I was expecting a couch, a mini fridge, and maybe a TV. But no. Being Freddie, of course he got the deluxe suite. The first thing I noticed was the 64" flat screen sitting next to the brand new PS3. They were in front of a black leather couch accompanied with a glass coffee table. But the living room was nothing compared to the kitchen. It was shining with black granite and stainless steel appliances. The lights on the ceiling hung low above the island. I glazed my hand over the smooth counters as I made my way over to the window that took up the entire wall in the living room. I had never been afraid of heights, due to the fact that I lived on the 17th floor at Bushwell, but the view in the room was nothing compared to my apartment. The street lights glowed from below me and I could faintly see colorful laser lights revolving in patterns in the distance, probably from a concert, I figured. I turned back to Freddie.

"This is amazing. You're sure this isn't too much?" I asked, running my hands along the silk curtains.

"No, it's fine. I was saving up for some big adventure that I planned for us, but I guess this is a good exception." He smiled a bit, but turned away to put or bags in the bedroom. When he came back, I was ready to confront him. I was ready to yell at him, to scream at him, to – "I'm sorry."

That caught me off guard. I stepped back and sat down on the couch, looking at him. "I know. I am too."

He sat down next to me. "I got mad at the restaurant because . . . Carly, after everything we have been through together, why would you think that you can't tell me anything? Why would you think that if you told me something embarrassing, it would change the way I look at you? Just . . . why? I don't get it."

"Of course you don't get it. You've never had a secret this big that -" I stopped immediately when he glared at me. I had forgotten about Justin. I had actually been thinking about him a lot lately. Like how at the sound of Sam's name Justin would perk up and smile. And at the sound of Freddie's he would run down the hall trying to find him. He was absolutely beautiful. I shouldn't have been surprised. I mean, he was Freddie's kid. "I'm sorry. I know he's a sensitive subject."

He ran a hand through his hair and nodded. "Exactly." I looked at him questionably. "If I can talk about him to you, then you can talk about _that _to me." I nodded, understanding his logic.

"Can we get changed? I want to lie down."

"Sure."

It took me approximately 35 minutes, not including my shower, to get ready. I couldn't decide whether to put my hair up or down. It looked kind of cute and messy up, but down, it look wild and sexy. I also couldn't choose between a t-shirt or a camisole. The camisole was tight and showed off my curves, whereas the t-shirt was Freddie's and would make him feel like I was 'his'. After I decided on some Aeropostal plaid sweatpants, my camisole, and boot slippers, hair down, by the way, I concluded that it didn't really matter. He had said it himself. Nothing would make me look any different to him. Even if I wore a neon, glow in the dark shirt I would still be Carly to him. But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. As I walked into the bedroom, he was already sitting on the bed looking through the TV guide, but I figured he wasn't planning on watching TV when he looked up at me and made a space for me on the bed. I climbed on and sat down on my knees, facing him.

"You're right you know." I told him.

"I know." He smirked. "Wait, about what?"

"Being comfortable with each other. If you can share personal and intimate details about . . . you know, then I should be able to talk about my . . . my . . ."

"You don't have to say it. I know it's hard." He placed his hand on my cheek, almost making me cry. Earlier today, I would've gotten pissed at him for feeling sorry for me or showing any kind of sympathy because I hated being someone's charity case. But it was different now. He had clearly stated that we were in this together, and if together meant feeling and/or receiving feelings like sympathy or any other emotion I wasn't particularly a fan of, then I was just going to have to suck it up. Love was about sacrifices.

"Do you miss him?" I asked Freddie, his hand still softly stroking my cheek.

He nodded. "Like hell. I try not to think about it too much."

"Why? He's your son."

"Because if I do, I will think about the childhood he could have with me. But that's not what's best for him. He needs a family. An actual family. Not two teenagers that accidently got pregnant, who don't even like each other, raising him. That wouldn't be good. And so when I don't think about it too much, the details don't really stick out. I just know that he's happy, so I'm happy."

I smiled at him. I ran my hand up his arm and scooted closer to him, close enough that I could feel the heat coming off of his body. He was so damn warm. "That's beautiful."

He chuckled. "Not really. It's just how I think. Sam thinks differently, though. She thinks about him nonstop, which isn't necessarily a good thing, nor is it bad."

"I get it. It's what you said: if you think about the details too much, you get too wrapped up in it and over think. If you don't, you don't get into it too much and only see the good things." He nodded. "I guess that's how it is with me, too."

He thought about it for a second, then said, "Want to elaborate on that a little?'

"Sometimes I stay up at night just going through that night in my head, every single detail. And when I do, everything points to it being fault. The perfume that I sprayed, the clothes I wore, the jewelry I bought, even the shoes that I had on. If I had wore jeans and a t-shirt, maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't of happened."

"You don't know that."

"Which is why I shouldn't think about it too much. But before tomorrow, before I get answers, it's just going to be a big, red arrow pointing to me labeled 'YOUR FAULT'." I laid down, and buried myself in the covers, disconnecting the contact we had been keeping between us. He stayed sitting, looking down at me. I expected him to carry on with the conversation, try to persuade me into thinking it wasn't my fault, but he didn't. He bent down over me, kissed me on the forehead, long and hard, and laid down next to me, wrapping one of his arms around me.

"I love you." He whispered so close to my ear. It was so soft it felt like silk running down my neck. "Good night."

"Good night."

**The next day**

"Finally, it's sunny." Freddie said when we got out onto the highway. Yesterday had been a rainy mess and today it was finally starting to clear up. Of course it had to do with border change and all that but it was still nice to see the sun shine.

"Yeah, it's really pretty today." I tried to keep my voice low and my replies short. I didn't want him to be able to hear my shakiness or nervousness.

He looked over at me, studying me for a moment, but then looked back at the road. "You alright?"

"Mmhmm."

"Ok? Um, well, we have about 3 hours until we get to your mom's so feel free to sleep or something."

"You don't want to talk to me?"

"Of course I do! I just figured you wouldn't want to." He turned his blinker on and changed lanes.

"I don't know what I would talk about. I guess I'm anxious. Both to see my mom and get answers. I hope she has them."

"Why wouldn't she?"

"Well, maybe the police are waiting to tell me or something. I don't know, I've never done this whole crime thing before!" I flew my hands up in the air, getting frustrated. Not at him, more like the situation.

"Neither have I, so I guess we'll experience it together, right?"

I nodded. About an hour into the ride we hadn't talked. I assumed it was because he didn't know what to talk about but when we were younger we would always find something to talk about, even if it was something extremely boring, like the amount of water you should have per day. I didn't understand why it had to be so different nowadays. We were the same people. Sure, we had gone through some rough patches, but those situations didn't define who we were. I was Carly and he was Freddie, same as when we were in high school. So I went for it.

"So, is it weird how Mr. Turner has, like, no facial hair?"

He turned and glanced at me quickly, obviously taken off guard. "Um, what?"

"Mr. Turner? Our substitute for cooking class a couple weeks ago? I just think it's strange."

He suddenly caught on to what I was trying to do: have a normal conversation about the weirdest thing, like we used to do. "Um, it doesn't exactly strike me as odd. He's a young dude." I heard a horn honk and an angry older man speed up and give the car in front of us the finger.

"Well, I just think it's weird. When guys don't shave for even a day, they get a little stubble. He _never _has stubble."

"Do you spend your cooking classes staring at his face?"

"It's very attractive." I said playfully.

"But not as attractive as mine, right?" He stroked his face with his hands.

I turned away and laughed (and blushed). "Eh, you're alright. And technically, I'm an adult, so I could easily leave you for him.

"But you wouldn't."

"Why?"

"'Cause you love me."

"Says who?" As I said this, we were getting slower and slower, heading into traffic, until we came to an official stop.

"Says me." And then he kissed me. His tongue parted my lips and entered my mouth. He grabbed my face with his hands and pulled me in further. My seat belt restricted me from getting any closer to him, but I was perfectly fine with the position we were in. I smiled against his mouth when horns started beeping and people yelling at us to go, but we weren't bothered. Just happy.

**At the house**

When we pulled up to the house, it didn't look different at all. Actually, it looked exactly the same as it did when I left. Same untended garden, same rusty shutters, same peeling rocking chairs sitting on the porch along with the same garden gnomes that I had always hated. I stepped out of the car and breathed in the smell of fertilizer from the garden and chlorine from the pool in the back. My mom had told me she was going to redo the front yard, but as I expected, she hadn't gotten around to it, or she just gave up. I laughed at the thought. Whenever she thought something was too hard or too boring, she always said she would get back to it later, which she would never do. As I walked over the lawn, I felt the wetness of the bright, green grass through my flip flops, giving me the assumption that the sprinklers had just gone off. I grabbed Freddie's hand as we walked up the porch.

"Just a warning, my mother is a little . . . eccentric." I laughed as I told him.

"What do you mean?" He asked, pulling my hand down as I was raising it to ring the doorbell, becoming hesitant.

"I guess that's not the right word. She's just . . . you'll see." With a questioning look still on his face, I rang to doorbell twice, letting her know that we were here. She never answered the door to one doorbell. She always said that if they really want to see her, they'll put effort into it. And ringing twice was effort in her case.

When the door opened, I saw my mother. She was tall and thin, just like she had always been. Her long brown hair was wavy, like beach waves. She had on a white sundress that she had pulled over some dark boot cut jeans. Her sandals were sky blue but that's what made them great. I didn't even get to say hi before she pulled me into a hug. I felt her warm, salty tears land on my shoulder as she whispered things into my ear. Stuff like 'I missed you so much' and 'I love you, baby'. I wanted to cry, cry with her, for her, but I had been crying for the past couple of days and I was tired. My eyes physically burned.

"Ah! Look at you!" She exclaimed when she finally let go. She turned me around, getting a 360 view of my jean Capri's, Freddie's SU (Seattle University) t-shirt, and 10% off flip flops. But it didn't matter what I was wearing. I was her daughter, and to her, I was always beautiful. "You've grown so much!" I smiled at her.

"Um, mom? This is Freddie. Freddie, this is my mom, Carrie."

They smiled at each other. "Nice to meet you. I've heard wonderful things about you." Freddie told my mom, charmingly.

"Oh, they're probably lies." She said jokingly. They both laughed then looked at me awkwardly. "So, let's get you guys inside." She walked back into the kitchen where she had already set up a sort of buffet style lunch. On the island there were PB&J sandwiches, a variety of chips in different bowls, various sodas, a tray of cupcakes, homemade cookies, and corn chips with salsa and cheese dip. I looked at Freddie with an 'I told you so' look. "I didn't know if you guys would be hungry, so I just laid this out for you. Take whatever you like." Suddenly, the phone rang and she scrambled to the other side of the room to answer it. "Hello? . . . Hey baby! . . . Actually, she just arrived . . ." She held up an index finger, indicating she would just be a moment, then left into the connecting dining room.

As Freddie helped himself to the food, I made my way over to the fridge. It was covered in familiar faces, but also faces that I had never seen before. I saw Spencer a couple of times, a few when he was younger and then a few more with Isabelle and Charlotte. I smiled at them, suddenly aware that I had been missing him a lot lately. I slid my hand over the picture, making the feeling even stronger. As my eyes wandered a little more, I saw me. At the time, I had been sleeping and just woke up, getting aggravated at my mother for flashing the camera in my face. She had told me I would look back on it one day and smile. I didn't think she would be right. My hand flew to my face, feeling the smile that had emerged on my face, just causing me to smile more.

"Beautiful, right?" I jumped. My mom was standing next me, staring at the picture with a loving expression.

"I guess. I don't really consider myself beautiful these days." I said quietly, making sure Freddie couldn't hear me.

She started idly stroking my hair. "Why not?"

"Mom, you know why." I walked away from her, filled a plate with some chips, and sat down next to Freddie, who was just about done with his meal. My mom joined us at the table and folded her hands. I could tell she wanted to talk, but was waiting for my approval to start, not wanting to upset me. I started eating my chips, trying to distract myself.

"So, Carrie," Freddie said, breaking the silence. "How's life been here without Carly?"

She looked at me. "Lonely. I missed my girl."

"I know the feeling." Freddie told her but was looking at me. I knew that if my mom wasn't here, we wouldn't be across the table from each other. My hands would be on his cheeks and his on my hips. He reached over and grabbed my hand, causing my mom to say,

"Aw! You guys are adorable." She leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "He's totally hot, too."

"Mom!" I exclaimed embarrassingly. Freddie laughed, obviously having heard what she said. I blushed a little, but collected myself enough so I could speak seriously again. "Ok, so we all know why we came."

My mom's expression changed drastically from playful to worried. I heard Freddie suck in a breath and pull his hand back. I wanted to touch him, have some sense that I wasn't alone, but he scooted closer to me in his chair, and lightly wrapped his arm around my waist. I sighed in relief. "Yeah." Was all my mom could say.

I waited a moment for her to continue. When she didn't, I said, "So?"

"You really want to know?"

"I can't think about anything else, mom! I keep thinking that this is all my fault, and maybe, just maybe, if you tell why this all happened, I can finally . . . I can finally let it go."

A tear strolled down her cheek, unwillingly. She turned away quickly. I knew she never liked to break down in front of me. I hated when she did, too. But only because it made me cry as well. I gripped Freddie's hand tighter. "Alright. It, um, all started back when you guys first started the web show. He took an interest in you, Carly. The police said he had had 3 wives with dark hair, all of which he . . . um . . . Carly, I'm not sure I should tell you all of this."

"Please." I wept. My eyes burned of unshed tears that I was willing myself not let go of them.

"He murdered them. The police said you should consider yourself lucky that you got away. He, um, heard through the grapevine I guess that you moved here with me. The security cameras that I have set up around the house caught him lurking in the bushes about a week ago. I wasn't allowed to tell you until a couple days ago. I didn't even want to tell you. I thought that maybe this would be too much for you . . . is it? You know, too much?"

At that point, my hands had been trembling and Freddie had pulled me closer, making the shaking go away, atleast a little bit. I repeated the words in my head: _interest, dark hair, 3 wives, murdered, lucky, caught, police. _Once in my life, atleast I thought, I had said those words, all of them, but not together like that. When you said all of those words together, it sounded horrible. Like gargling salt water when you had a cut on your throat; it burned. I couldn't process any of the information that I had gotten. Questions and thoughts were running wildly through my mind, blocking out all of the "Carly?"'s and "Are you okay?"'s I was getting from Freddie and my Mom. "What's his name?" I choked out.

"Um, Charles. Charles Shanto. But, sweetie, he's going to jail! And I need you to know, this is not your fault whatsoever. It could've happened to anybody." I nodded, finally believing it. It wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. _Nothing bad happens to good girls. _Although that statement wasn't exactly true, it gave me a sense of relief. Not the relief that anything bad is never going to happen to me, but the relief that I was going to be okay, eventually. I was still processing, still coping, and probably would be until I found something new to worry about. But with my Mom and Freddie's support, I could finally breathe. Finally let go. Finally fall.

"I love you, mom." Without waiting for her response, I jumped out of Freddie's arms and into my mom's. I heard her muffled sobs right by my ear, causing me to cry even harder. "I missed you so much." I whispered.

"Oh, baby . . ." I felt Freddie's hand softly rub my back, letting me know that he was still there, still with me. I smiled at the feeling that I got when he touched me. It could've been something as simple as a high five that would send shivers up my spine. And the thought that I was all his, all the time, just gave me the straight out chills. I loved him. And then it hit me. I was surrounded by people that I loved and people that loved me. It didn't matter where I was, whether it was Bushwell, my small dorm, or my mother's middle class house. As long as I was with my family, the people that would be there for me no matter what, I was home.

**Back at Seattle University**

"Great to have you back!" Michaela squealed as she pulled me in for a hug. I wrapped my arms around her, not being able to resist her welcoming tone. I heard Freddie from behind me unpacking my bags for me and putting away clothes in various drawers. Michaela let go and said, "How was the trip?"

"Good. It felt great to see my mom again. How was school without me? Have the rumors been getting worse?" I asked her, referring to the rumors about me that I had treated Freddie like crap and then dumped him. They had started about a week ago when all of the Sam-Freddie drama had risen.

"Actually, they're dying down. Everybody's interested in Serra's pregnancy now."

"What!" Freddie and I exclaimed in unison.

"Yeah, apparently some guy knocked her up. It wasn't you, was it? You guys went out didn't you?" Michaela eyed him.

"We never slept together. I swear." He put a hand on his heart and kissed me on the cheek. Then, he focused his attention back on Michaela.

"Oh, well then I have no idea. Everyone thinks its Mr. Turner. You know, the substitute. Sources tell me he snuck into her room a few weeks back and students heard . . . noises." Michaela giggled. I forced a smile on my face, while Freddie just all out stopped listening. I heard a vibration and Michaela answered her phone. "Hello?"

" . . ."

"Well, my roommate just got back, can't it wait?"

" . . ."

"Oh shoot! That's tomorrow?"

" . . . ! . . ."

"Alright, I'm on my way. Calm down, drama queen." She shut her phone and grabbed her bag quickly. "Sorry to leave as soon as you get back, but I have a history project due tomorrow and my partner and I aren't even half done! I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course."

"Bye, girl." And then she was gone.

I turned back to Freddie, who had just finished with my clothes. "Thank you." I gave him a quick kiss, wrapped my arms around him, and pulled him down on the bed with me. I could tell he wasn't in the 'mood' to do anything, too tired from traveling for 12 hours, but just laying there with him was enough. I had always loved watching him sleep. His eyes wildly moving under his eyelids, as if he were having a nightmare or wonderful dream that was so real to him, that I would feel bad for waking him up. Now, he was lying next to me, his fingers intertwined with mine, and his eyes were clothes. "Freddie?"

"Yeah?" He said, eyes still closed.

"I love you. Like . . . like a lot."

He opened his eyes and turned his head toward me. "Aw." He laughed.

"Do you think that someday we could have our own children?" I asked him, throwing him off guard for a moment, causing him to flinch. "Not any time soon. Don't worry. I was just asking for future reference. You know, for when we're married."

He smiled. I didn't know if he was smiling because he thought I was kidding, or if he just thought that that was absolutely ridiculous. "You want to get married?"

"Again, not any time soon."

"And why would I want to marry you?" He asked, jokingly, getting closer and closer to my lips.

"Because you love me."

"Says who?" His lips made contact with mine, but not too much that I couldn't talk.

"Says me."

**THE END! Well, possibly. First off, I hoped you liked the chapter! I thought it was adorable btw :) So, I may do an epilogue, again, if I get atleast 4 reviews. If not, eh, idk. But the poll I'm doing could change that. The poll is about sequel stories. Should I do a sequel to Beautiful Unraveling? Or Then and Now? I will ask for suggestions about what they would be about after I get a winner. But please vote and review! Hope to get good feedback! Love yall! Bye for now :)**


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